Are You Getting Enough “Quality Time”?
I know “quality time” is a cliche that people make a lot of jokes about, but I’ve recently rediscovered how important it is to a relationship. I noticed during my last long term relationship that I was getting more critical of my partner for what seemed like the little stuff. This is always a sign that something bigger is going on. I wasn’t REALLY upset that he was leaving the proverbial cap off the toothpaste, and neither are you. Then something happened which caused me to realize what I WAS really upset about: I was angry that we weren’t spending enough ...
Why do Orgasms Feel so Good?
Basically, there are two reasons. One is the more common reason that most people probably think about when they ask themselves this question. It’s a physiological response. Blood flows to the genitals, both male and female, when sexual excitement occurs, and the intense feeling of pleasure that orgasm brings is the sensation that results when all the extra blood that’s been building up gets released at once.
Then there’s the other reason. This is the one that I really want to talk about. It’s like Tantra 101: orgasm feels so good because when you experie...
The Psychology of Monogamy
So the other night we were sitting in our monthly Synergistic Energy Exchange group and I was reading an article about sacred sexuality to the group. (I like to do that lately, put on my sexy librarian glasses and read to the group. I call it “sacred porn”.)
There’s this dude, Baba Dez Nichols, who was quoted in the article. Baba Dez is the founder of the International School of Temple Arts in Arizona. In the article he says: “Making more out of a relationship happens because we want something so much we distort reality. When we decide to only have sex ...
I Love You, But…
You know that phrase, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you?” That phrase is often used as a preface to dumping someone. However, if you’ve been with your partner for more than say six months, it’s completely normal to feel that way. After all these years, I was- until recently- still buying into the idea of romantic love that we are all sold by our society, that we should have that in love feeling forever, and that if we don’t there‘s something wrong and we should get out of the relationship. But, if we use science to inform our expectations, we ...
What Healthy Grief Looks Like
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our planet is shifting. There are many changes going on, and with those come other things. Such as people dying. (No, it is not just your imagination that it seems like more and more people are dying lately.) And, relationships changing. Perhaps ending. And other stuff too, but today I want to focus on grief because I think it is something we haven’t been taught well in our society.
So, what does healthy grief look like? It is you staying home and sulking for days, weeks, or months, continuously? Is it you yelling, ...
A Riddle for You
What do the Tooth Fairy and friends with benefits have in common? They are both make-believe. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as friends with benefits. Oh yeah, we can delude ourselves into thinking that we can be "friends" with someone, have sex with them occasionally, and not develop feelings for that person, but in reality, how often does that really happen?
You may be thinking you have pulled it off. And maybe you have. But I am convinced that the great majority of the time, one or both of y0u will get attached to the other ...
Self-Love at it’s Best
What if you were making love to someone really special? Would you put extra care into things like the room you were making love in, the atmosphere, your personal hygiene?
Well, what if you did that all “just” for yourself? Plan some self-pleasuring time. Make it luxuriously expansive, like say set two hours aside for it. Prepare yourself by bathing or showering, shaving, whatever you would normally do to prepare for a hot date. Put on some lotion, perfume, or cologne to make yourself smell really good too. Have the room you choose to use ready ahead of ...
Masturbation- Not Just for Teenagers
This being National Masturbation Month and all, I am inspired to write about masturbation. First of all, we need to do something about that word. Lots of negative connotations to the word “masturbation”, wouldn’t you say? For me, it conjures up images of horny teens with acne ejaculating into tissues, and the words “secret” and “shame” come to mind (no pun intended). And we have been told many crazy things about masturbation over the decades, to discourage us from doing it: It will make you grow hair on your palms. It’s a sin. It’s a sin ...
What’s Your Choice, Love or Fear?
In your relationships, do you choose love or fear? There are many circumstances under which this simple question throughout the day can make a tremendous difference in the quality of your relationship. You may be in a marriage, a monogamous relationship, or an open relationship. It matters not.
What IS important is that when that crossroads presents itself, which it will several times each day, you ask yourself these questions: Do I choose love or fear? Which way do I want to go now? You always have free will. Sometimes you may choose fear. That is ...