What’s Your Choice, Love or Fear?

In your relationships, do you choose love or fear?  There are many circumstances under which this simple question throughout the day can make a tremendous difference in the quality of your relationship. You may be in a marriage, a monogamous relationship, or an open relationship.  It matters not.

What IS important is that when that crossroads presents itself, which it will several times each day, you ask yourself these questions:   Do I choose love or fear?  Which way do I want to go now?  You always have free will.  Sometimes you may choose fear.  That is okay.  I do recommend that you choose love, though, as often as possible. At the very least, make your choices consciously and not by default.  Recognize when the choices present themselves.  How would you know?  Is it a body sensation that’s tipping you off?  Maybe you have a gnawing feeling in your stomach or a fluttering in your chest.  Body sensations such as these could indicate that you’re at such a crossroads.
Let’s take a few examples.  Your partner has cheated on you.  You want to rebuild the trust, but it’s a challenge for you.  You don’t want to get hurt again.  You are lying in bed with your partner when suddenly you have an overwhelming surge of positive feelings toward him or her.   Do you choose to go with the feelings and express them verbally or with your touch, or do you contract in fear, thinking that maybe you’re just not “ready” to go there yet?

Let’s take a totally different example.  You are sitting in the living room with your partner.  You have the thought that it would be nice to make love.  Then you remember the last time you made love, and it wasn’t that great for you.  Your partner has put on weight recently and you were kind of turned off by it.  You don’t want to repeat the experience.  Do you decide to continue with your impulse, opening your mind and your heart to the possibility of creating a different experience this time, or do you freeze in fear?  Maybe it’s better, you think, to just watch tv than risk another disappointing sexual encounter.

Or, you are single and dating.  You had a first date with a new person last night.  You enjoyed yourself tremendously, and you had the thought that he or she could be “the one.”  You think about calling to say what a great time you had and to ask about getting together on Friday night.  But then you hesitate.  You’ve been hurt  before.  You’ve been rejected.  Maybe (s)he’ll think you’re a “stalker” for calling too soon.  Should you express your feelings and desires, or hold back?

Here’s one more example.  Maybe you’re in a long term relationship.  Something is bothering you about your sex life.  It’s not as exciting as it used to be.  Your sexual routine has become-well, routine.  It feels like you’re just going through the motions.  You’ve thought of saying something to your partner, but you don’t want to open up the proverbial can of worms.  Maybe you should just let it be.  Maybe this is just what happens when you’ve been together with someone for a while.  Or, do you choose to risk being uncomfortable, stepping into the unknown out of love for yourself and your partner, because you believe you both deserve the best sex life possible?

These are just a few examples of how the choice between love and fear can present itself in your relationships.  People say there are many other feelings besides love and fear, and there are.  These are just the two opposite ends of the spectrum.  Begin to look at the choice points that come up in your own relationship, and make a conscious choice to move in the direction of one or the other.  Notice what you create with your different choices.  If you choose love, it may seem hard at first, but you also may be surprised at what you can create with an open heart and an open mind.