Masturbation- Not Just for Teenagers

This being National Masturbation Month and all, I am inspired to write about masturbation.  First of all, we need to do something about that word.  Lots of negative connotations to the word “masturbation”, wouldn’t you say?  For me, it conjures up images of horny teens with acne ejaculating into tissues, and the words “secret” and “shame” come to mind (no pun intended).  And we have been told many crazy things about masturbation over the decades, to discourage us from doing it:  It will make you grow hair on your palms.  It’s a sin.  It’s a sin even to think about it.  What?!

Why do adults try to shame kids out of self-pleasuring?  Because they themselves have been shamed about exploring their own bodies as children, and therefore seeing their kids in self-pleasuring mode brings up their own shame and embarrassment.  To stop their discomfort, they try to squelch their kids’ natural tendencies early on.  And then our kids will grow up to do the same thing to their kids.  It’s a cycle.  How about we break the cycle by starting with a new word for masturbation?

Have any ideas for good substitute words or phrases?  Please write to me if you do.  For now, how ‘bout we call it self-love, or self-pleasuring?

Do you engage in self-love?  It’s not just for horny teenagers.  It’s also for horny adults.  Even for adults who are having sex regularly.  I know, some people think that if they’re in a relationship and they’re still engaging in self-love, it’s a sign that all their needs aren’t being met, in other words, that the sex isn’t good. I seriously question the validity of this line of reasoning.

First of all, where did we get the notion that one person is supposed to satisfy all of our needs?  Oh yeah, we’ve created that ourselves too with our societal messages.  But let’s look more deeply. It’s entirely possible that you are very happy with your sex life and yet also at times enjoy self-pleasuring.  Variety is the spice of life.  Sometimes you may be in the mood for Italian when you go out to a restaurant.  Sometimes you may be in the mood for Chinese.  It’s no different with your sexual appetites.  Sometimes having sex with your partner may be what you want.  Sometimes it may be having sex with yourself.  There is nothing inherently wrong with either one.  Both are good.

One caveat: if you are engaging in primarily self-pleasuring or exclusively self-pleasuring, and deep down you know it is because you don’t want to have sex with your partner, that is another issue.  It is still not bad or wrong to be self-pleasuring, AND you may want to look at why you don’t want sex with your partner and what you’d like to do about that.

So I have presented some of the reasons why self-love is not bad.  Why is it good?  It boosts your immune system.  It boosts your self-esteem (have you ever heard of someone having low self-esteem at the moment of orgasm?).  It is mood-enhancing.  It increases your testosterone levels, whether you are a man or a woman, which raises your libido.  It lets you know, or reminds you, what you like so that you can better communicate that when you’re with a partner.

When was the last time you engaged in self-love?  Now that I’ve (hopefully) gotten you in the mood for that, stay tuned for my next blog in which I will make some suggestions for how you may create a beautiful next experience of self-pleasuring.