Fifty Shades of Dysfunction
As I move through the Fifty Shades Trilogy, I am frequently frustrated by the ridiculousness of the arguments that the two main characters, Ana and Christian, have. It's kind of like watching one of those stupid sitcoms, when the characters do the predictable, dysfunctional thing over and over. And then I rememeber, it's only a story. I really don't need to get so worked up about it. ;)
What I have noticed about their arguments, though, it that every time, I believe, (it's hard to keep track, they've already had dozens of them) they are caused by one of two ...
Fifty Shades of Progress
I finally broke down and started reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. I'm not even all the way through it yet. And yes, I do have to agree with the critics that the series is not the most well-written, has a lot of typos, and perpetuates the stereotypes of porn sex (those being things like men getting erections five minutes after having sex, women having orgasms at the slightest touch, all the unrealistic and potentially damaging beliefs about what real sex is like.)
For the 1% (haha) of the population that hasn't read these books yet, they are basically about ...
A New Twist on Independence Day
Tomorrow is the 4th of July, aka Independence Day in America. As I was reading a blog about Independence Day, I thought: what if we also treated it as Independence Day for our relationships? A common source of conflicts in intimate relationships is when one partner wants more independence and the other doesn't want him or her to have it.
I know of a couple in which the wife gets angry and resentful when the husband does something that is good and healthy for him, which is work out three times a week. This is not an excessive habit on his part. He's not doing ...
The Good Girl/Bad Girl Split
I know guys, you want it all. As that rapper tune says (I’m paraphrasing)- ‘I want a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed’. Really? Cause according to my sources, you think she doesn’t exist. Maybe that’s one of the reasons you (all of us really, but I’m talking to the guys here today) have so many affairs. You think you can’t have both in one person. Well, you can, but you’ll have to change some of your thinking to get there. It’s kinda like the Virgin Mary/Mary Magdalene split. They called Mary Magdalene a whore. She wasn’t ...
Don’t Give Yourself Away
I have this little plastic heart in my house. My daughter gave it to me years ago. It’s a container. It’s one of those things I’ve kept not because I really wanted a little plastic heart (I’m a big minimalist when it comes to “stuff”), but for sentimental reasons. I’ve had the heart in the love corner of my house according to the principles of feng shui. I figure it can’t hurt. Inside the heart I keep a red piece of paper with a vow on it. It’s not a wedding now, but rather a vow I made to myself not to give my heart away anymore. That ...
“Baggage”- How Much is too Much?
Let’s imagine you start dating a new man or woman, and based on things you are finding out, you start to ask yourself the age-old question: Does the person have too much"baggage"? In my opinion, the answer is: it depends. Everyone has some baggage. I don’t care who you're talking about. At least one “bad” thing happened in everyone's childhood, and everyone has had at least one negative experience in a romantic relationship. So, if you’re looking for someone who has no baggage, go back to fairytale land and find Cinderella. Oh, no, wait. Her ...
“Extreme Self Care”
Back when The Oprah Winfrey Show was big, Oprah used to feature a life coach named Cheryl Richardson. Cheryl used to talk about a concept called “extreme self care”. In fact, she wrote a book called The Art of Extreme Self Care. I have not read Cheryl’s book, but I have borrowed the term she coined and I strive to engage in extreme self care daily.
In the study of iridology, people are classified as different types according to what their irises, the colored parts of their eyes, look like. I am what’s known as a Stream Jewel. A Stream Jewel has the ...
A Nighttime Gift
Last night I was relaxing at home reading my book after a busy day (read: I was tired) when I got a text from my daughter who was studying for a final exam at her dad’s house. She had been sick the last couple of days, and I’m guessing the only thing worse for a teenager than having to study for finals is having to study for finals while sick. She was feeling sad and kind of needy; I could tell she wanted me to come over and help her study. And even though I’d rather do just about anything than study (I feel like I’m permanently done with forced memorizat...
More Drama Games
Last week I was talking about some games people play on what is called The Triangle, where all drama occurs. This blog is a continuation of that. Below is a list of more “games” that may sound familiar and how to avoid them. Again, in some cases I have used either a masculine or feminine pronoun, but in these games, men and women can- and sometimes do-play either role.
1. I am Your Master. Here, you are the Victim and she is the Villain. If you want to do something, such as go out with the guys, you have to ask her permission, as if you’re a child. ...
Gettin’ Some
This week I did some public speaking, and two things really stood out for me. The first was, I remembered how much I LOVE public speaking, and did follow that up with setting an intention to do more of that in the near future. The second, which is really the subject of this blog was this: the picture painted for me of the sex lives of the group I spoke to was pretty bleak. There doesn’t seem to be much sex going on in the lives of many long-term couples.
If you, too, fall into the category of wishing that you and your partner were having more sex, I will give a ...