What’s Your “Learning Edge”?
You may or may not have heard this term, "learning edge". I first heard it when I was in life coaching school at The Hendricks Institute, about ten years ago. My definition of it is basically this: the thing that the Universe is presenting to you as your current opportunity for growth.
I have found over the years that it does behoove me to pay attention to what keeps coming up for me. For better or for worse, God/dess does not give up on us. If we don't get the learning the first time, it will continue to be presented in less and less subtle ways, until we get it. I've had some "growth" that felt a bit like being hit over the head with a hammer. These days, I am able to get the learning before it gets to that point....
Musings on the Green-Eyed Monster
The topic of jealousy has been coming up lately, as my partner and I have both been starting to date others in addition to each other. We have each felt a twinge of jealousy at times, nothing major. And I would say that both of us tend to be generally less prone to jealousy than the average person. (That's a good thing, since otherwise being in a poly relationship would be much more challenging!)
The whole thing, however, got me thinking about the nature of jealousy and how the pain involved can be minimized....
What Are You Grateful For?
Recently, while in California visiting my best friend, I watched this great documentary called "Happy" (they have it on Netflix). The narrator is Marci Shimoff, who has written a number of books on happiness, including "Happy For No Reason", which is funny, really, because for years before I even knew about her book, I have been saying: "I love it when I'm happy for no reason." To me, that's the best kind of happiness. ...
Compersion- Yes!
Tomorrow is my partner's birthday. Well, technically for him, it's his birthday now, because he's in Japan. And even though I can't spend his birthday with him, I am incredibly happy! I am having an amazing, embodied experience of compersion. You may or may not know that compersion is a word used in poly circles to describe the joy that comes from seeing your partner enjoy his freedom, basically. And that's what I'm high on today....
New Relationship Paradigm
My blog the other day, "Jealousy of Time", brought up some "yeah, buts" in some of you...understandably so.
We have all been taught- by our parents, by the larger society, by the collective, that relationships are a certain way: If you're in a relationship, you are part of a whole. Collectively, the two of you make up 100%. Fifty-fifty and all that. Some people even go as far as to call their partner their "better half". We are also told that the way to get along in a relationship is to compromise, and that we must make sacrifices for each other. And why wouldn't we believe that all of that is true? We've heard it for so long.......
“Jealousy of Time”
I had some great questions about "jealousy of time" from a reader the other day. Since I've been writing so much about poly relationships, I assumed it was about jealousy in that context, but it wasn't actually. It was more of a general question.
Jealousy of time in relationships can present itself in a number of different ways. One is when one of the partners tends to have more interests outside the relationship than the other. Or, one partner feels personally rejected when the other goes out, thinking that (s)he prefers the company of others. Sometimes jealousy presents as self-righteousness, as in "he should spend more time with me." Others can get paranoid when their partner is out without them, always thinking that they're being cheated on. (Of course, it's not really paranoia if there is cheating going on.)...
What I Love About Being Poly…
...SO FAR. I mean, really, I haven't even been in a polyamorous relationship that long, it's barely been three months, and I'm overflowing with love for the lifestyle already. Here's what's on my list to date:...
Incubus and Succubus
The other night some of my friends and I went out to dinner, and the topic of incubus and succubus came up. Historically, these terms have been meant to describe either a male (incubus) or female (succubus) demon having sex with a woman or man while (s)he is asleep. In the Christian tradition, it has also been said that having repeated experiences like this can lead to poor health and even death. Once again, notice how the church has made sex into something evil, even deadly....
Squirting 102 (Prerequisite: Squirting 101)
I really have a lot to say about squirting. That's what happens with the topics I love, like blow jobs.
Today I am going to help you find your way around a G-spot.
But first I want to say this:...
This is Tantra
There's a part of the story about what happened after my boyfriend and I had a talk the other night that I haven't told you yet. As if it weren't enough that I got to put all my advice about talking with your partner into practice, and then got the payoff of having all that amazing S.E.X. with him, I had yet another profound experience....