This is Tantra

There’s a part of the story about what happened after my boyfriend and I had a talk the other night that I haven’t told you yet.  As if it weren’t enough that I got to put all my advice about talking with your partner into practice, and then got the payoff of having all that amazing S.E.X. with him, I had yet another profound experience.

Let me set the scene for you, in case you have no idea what I’m talking about:  We’ve just had this challenging (for me) conversation in which I revealed some things that were really hard for me to say.  I wanted to stop in the middle of it, and I didn’t.  I rode the wave of emotion and self-expression to the end, and it was worth it.  Now we are lying on a blanket in front of the fire, enjoying the bliss that comes after such a conversation.  And when I say S.E.X., I mean the kind with all (well, okay, most ;)) of our clothes on.

I am totally blissed out.  Feeling huge waves of joy in my body.  And yet, sometimes while lying there, I have disturbing, intrusive thoughts which I am prone to ever since I started to step into fulfilling my life purpose on the planet.  For me, it goes with the territory.  I start to freak out for just a  moment, and then I relax into it.  I can allow myself to feel both, or anything in between, while letting go of control.  Ah, back to bliss…

And then I start to think about Tantra.  About how the word Tantra, in Sanskrit, means a weaving together.  And how this is a weaving together of all types of experiences and emotions in my body.  I go a step further, remembering how all things get woven together, not just my internal experiences.  Even inanimate objects, like the fireplace, the rug beneath us, the Christmas tree in the room, the ornaments.  I think of how they are all part of a whole.  How every being and every thing in the Universe comes from one Source, because that’s all there is.  And it’s hard to wrap my mind around sometimes, but even how every molecule of every thing in the Universe has some kind of consciousness.

I know, yeah, this is deep shit I’m thinking about- totally sober, by the way.  But sober is a relative term, since I happen to be high on life at this point.

I look over at the Christmas tree again.  The ornaments on the tree have been catching my eye all night.  We are at my partner’s house tonight, and there are some pretty cool ornaments on his tree.  And suddenly, for just a moment, I can actually feel love coming from the ornaments, to me.  And I think:  “This is Tantra.”