On Sexual Polarity
I know this couple who in many ways is not an unusual couple at all. She is a woman, yet she has a lot of masculine energy. He is a man, yet in many ways has a lot of feminine energy. He would have more masculine energy, he used to, until he realized that they usually get along better if he lets her take the reins. So to keep the peace, he lets her make most of the decisions, initiate most of what happens in their lives, and just generally “wear the pants” in the family.
Now this may all sound great (or not) to you so far, but here’s where the problem comes ...
One Story
A friend of mine had a rift in her marriage last year. This was not an unusual story. It may sound familiar to you, from your own life, or someone you know. She had been married for a considerable number of years. She noticed, several years before, that not only had she stopped having a desire for sex with her partner, but that she had literally at times felt repulsed by him. She was not in love with anyone else nor was she having an affair.
Hers is a story with a “happy ending”, or I should probably say a happy resolution, at least for the time being. ...
Meditation Makes Me Horny!
Yesterday we were sitting, listening to channeling during meditation group, and our spirit guides asked a question- how can someone restore their sex drive when it appears to be lost? And this is what popped into my head: meditation. Meditation makes me horny. Of course, I blurted it out. I’m not one to hold back!
Literally very often while I am meditating alone, I can feel myself having sexual feelings arise in my yoni. (Yoni is a tantric word for “sacred place”, used to refer to the female genitalia without all the negative associations of a word like ...
Why are we Shaming Our Children?
I have been thinking about how we raise our children in terms of the messages we send about sexuality. For example, when I was growing up, one would have thought that sex didn’t exist. I honestly don’t believe I ever heard either of my parents say the word “sex” or even acknowledge that sex existed. Thank Goddess, one of my friends told me (accurately) all about it when I was in fourth grade, or I would have had to wait until the public education day for the official school sex talk.
I did a little better with my own kid. One day when she was about ...
When It’s Over
Are you ready? I’m going to share with you one of the greatest myths of our times: We are meant to fall in love once, and stay together with that person for the rest of our lives. Haven’t we all been told that? Haven’t we all been told that true love is forever? Well, it is, and it isn’t.
First of all, yes, there are those whose High Self, the God(dess) part of them plans at the outset to find their partner, (usually a soulmate, someone who they have known and loved in past lives) and stay together literally ‘til death do they part. But that is ...
Cougars and Such
The topic of cougars keeps coming up in my life. Some have said I am a cougar, although technically, I don't meet the full definition. But cougars are not just women, either. There are "man-cougars" too. Let's start with the female cougars, though, since that seems to be the hot topic these days.
A female cougar is a woman usually 40 years or older who exclusively pursues very young men, at least 10 years her junior, but typically young enough to be her son. So a cougar in her 40's would pursue a male partner in his 20's, a cougar in her 50's would ...
No Wonder it Works!
Back in my social worker days, I did outreach to homeless people. As part of my job, I would attend a monthly meeting with other clinicians from around the state who did the same thing, outreach to homeless people on the streets and in shelters. Sometimes we would have guest speakers. I clearly remember when one of my colleagues brought in one of her homeless clients to speak to us about his experience with breathing as a spiritual practice. (Spirituality can come in very handy for homeless people- and well you know, all of us.) He described how his breath ...
The “Him-Shaped Void”
A few months ago, I read a book called Dear Lover by David Deida. In it he talks about a concept he called the him-shaped void. In my mind, I changed it to the man-shaped void, so that’s what I prefer to call it now. I’m quirky like that.
Regardless of what it is called, I was experiencing it. My “friend with benefits” from last year left a man-shaped void in my heart and body that just wasn’t going away. David Deida describes it in a way that makes it sound like an actual physical/energetic thing, not just a construct of the mind. And based on my ...
When Sparks Don’t Fly
There comes a time in any long term relationship when sex is just not the same as it used to be. One day, it seems you wake up, and you realize the sparks are not flying. What happened to that feeling that you couldn’t wait to be with the other person? What happened to those butterflies in your stomach? Or, depending on how far along this path you are, what happened to your sex drive altogether?
Many people, at this point, assume that it is over. You tell yourself you have fallen out of love with your partner. You may decide to leave the relationship, or ...
The Habit of Meditation
Back in my Booty Doctor's days (the radio show my friend and I used to do for men, regarding their sexuality and relationships), I subscribed to Men's Journal magazine. I thought it would give me some good ideas of topics for the show. Month after month, there was never one article in there about sex. I couldn't believe it! I concluded that the magazine owners must be very conservative, and started giving away the magazine each month to my male clients.
This morning I was sitting in my office waiting for a client who was running late. I picked up the latest copy ...