On Sexual Polarity

I know this couple who in many ways is not an unusual couple at all.  She is a woman, yet she has a lot of masculine energy. He is a man, yet in many ways has a lot of feminine energy.  He would have more masculine energy, he used to, until he realized that they usually get along better if he lets her take the reins.  So to keep the peace, he lets her make most of the decisions, initiate most of what happens in their lives, and just generally “wear the pants” in the family.

Now this may all sound great (or not) to you so far, but here’s where the problem comes in: she wants him to be passive in all areas of their life except one, their sex life.  She still wants him to take the traditional masculine role of being the sexual aggressor.  Only the trouble is, she has emasculated  him so much by this time that he doesn’t have any sexual aggression left in him. Well, to put it more realistically, he has given up so much of his power that he doesn’t have it in him. She really cannot do anything to him that he does not allow.

Yes, it’s true, we all have both.  Women have both masculine and feminine energy.  Men do also.  What is masculine energy?  It is pursuing.  It is linear. It is logical.  It is straightforward.  It is bold.  What is feminine energy?  It is receptive.  It is passive.  It is emotional.  It is intuitive. It is circular.

Hot sex happens when the two collide.  One must play the masculine role and one the feminine.  It doesn’t matter if it’s two men, two women, or one man, one woman.  Polarity needs to exist in order to create sexual tension.  Most people tend to have either a primarily masculine essence or a primarily feminine essence.  The ones with the mainly masculine essence are not necessarily men.  And the ones with the mainly feminine essence are not necessarily women.  Also, a few people have a more balanced masculine/feminine essence.

How can you tell which one you are?  Ask yourself this question: do I primarily want to “take” or “be taken” in the sexual arena?  I know, you are probably thinking: sometimes I’m in the mood for one, sometimes for the other.  But in your best fantasies, which role are you playing? In your heart of hearts, what do you really long for?  Or, do you not really have much of a preference one way or the other?

I, for example have a fair amount of masculine energy for a woman. This is not to say that I don’t like to dress up pretty, or get a facial, or have a door held open for me.  But I am a fairly goal-oriented, direct person who likes to take charge also.  And yet, at the same time, in those fantasies of my ideal sexual experience, I am being taken.  I want to be ravished.  Which is not to say I don’t like to ravish at times, too ;).  My essence, however, is primarily feminine.  So I am best matched with a guy whose essence is either primarily masculine, or balanced, so that he can easily play the masculine role when he wants to.

If your primary essence, your deepest desires in the bedroom, are not matching up with how you live your life outside of the bedroom, the sex in your life may be a little less than steamy, as in the example I mentioned above.

What are the answers to these questions for you?  Is your deepest desire to ravish or be ravished?  What (if you have one) is your partner’s deepest desire?  What roles do you each play in your everyday lives?  What kind of sexual tension, or apathy, is that leading up to in the bedroom?