Feeling Disconnected? Timing Is Everything!

I'll save the topic of timing of sex for another day... For today, however, you know those times when you're upset about something to do with your relationship and you want to talk about it, in hopes that you'll feel better?   (Or, maybe you're the type that DOESN'T usually want to talk about it, for fear of feeling worse.) I am usually the first type.  I trust in the process of clear, honest communication.   Yesterday was an intense day for me.  In the morning I had an energy healing session.  Those are amazing, but can also ...

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True Or False: Relationships Are A Lot Of Work.

As I was saying....If you want to be satisfied and happy in your relationship, you will need to commit some time and attention to it. I know you may think you are committing time to your relationship.  Maybe you spend almost every night sitting next to your beloved watching tv or movies together.  You perhaps sleep in the same bed together.  You may eat one or more meals together each day.  You may even go grocery shopping together; some couples do. With all of that, you might feel like you can barely get away from your ...

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What Are You Putting Up With?

...years ago, and the workshop leader asked the same question I just asked you:  "What are you putting up with?"  Now, she meant it in a general sense, as in 'What are you putting up with in your life?'.  While I think that is a valuable question to ask, I am thinking of it in terms of sex and relationships.Sometimes, we can forget that we have choices in our relationships, or in our dating life, or in our non-existent dating life.  Especially for those of us who grew up in difficult circumstances, we can become used to thinking from a disempowered point of view, as ...

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Are You in a Sexless Relationship?

Are YOU in a sexless marriage or relationship?  Experts define "sexless" as having sex less than once a month, or no more than 10x a year.  There are a number of common reasons that couples' relationships can become sexless over time.  Some of the most common are lack of communication, one partner being neglectful of the others' needs, or special circumstances such as illness. Regardless of the reason, if you ARE in a sexless relationship, does it bother you?  There are some couples who are perfectly happy being in a sexless relationship.&n...

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Ah, Clarity

I'd been confused for so many years. I really did believe in "happily ever after"- of course, knowing that I wasn't going to get a Fairy Godmother and magic shoes. (Well, I mean, technically I could, knowing me, but...you know what I mean.) I even knew couples that were living in love, after decades of being together. I'd seen evidence. The truth was, though, I'd never seen evidence of it in my own life. I'd been in love, numerous times. I'd even had multiple, long relationships that kept going reasonably well for years. But I had never been able to get back ...

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A Sparkly Star

I came with my case of toilet paper And my case of paper towels And toddler wipes, to keep the buttocks clean, but of course not to clog the toilet with I came trying to put on the face of order And: 'It's all under control I'm organized I do things the smart way, can't you see?' And, 'You should strive to be more like me' I came as a terrified little girl 'Am I sure I'm ready for this? What if he sees through? That inside I am not so sure of myself And echoes of Mom still play in my head: You're not good enough You're not wanted here You're doing it ...

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Gotta Love Somebody

When I was married, and incidentally cheating on my husband, I got together with an old friend I hadn't seen in years.  I think I was reaching out to all my former mentors because I didn't know what the f*ck to do. I was unhappy, cheating, getting away with it, feeling shitty about myself, and looking for answers. I told him how miserable I was in my marriage.  He said: "But you're going to stay in the marriage, right?"  My face twisted up in a grimace.  I told him I wasn't so sure about that.  He asked me if I was cheating.  I said no.  I lied about my ...

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Polyamory Revisited

So something exciting has happened in my life.  I daresay, I have met someone- first time EVER, people- who meets me on all the levels I need to be met. As usual, I ordered him up from the Universe.  I requested someone who meets me spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. And voila.  Thank you, God/dess. And then something totally surprising happened next.  I was on the phone with my bestie, who's pretty damn psychic by the way, and she told me she kept getting the message that I have been polyamorous because I couldn't find everything I wanted in one person. ...

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I Am Not a Bitch

And neither are you. When I really thought about it, I felt offended when a former partner used the b-word to describe me, or my behavior.  (He, incidentally was questioning also whether others thought he was a bastard.  So there are TWO b-words.) You see, I'm big into authenticity and was telling myself it was just him being honest about his experience. And then more recently I've been catching  myself referring to my OWN behavior as bitchy.  Hmmmm.  What's up with that?! Lately, I've been present to the true origin and meaning of the word "bitch", and I ...

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I’m Messy

Last night I was so scared.  I've had a couple of really big losses lately- one, an actual death, and one that just feels like the other person has died.  More specifically, my brother died fairly unexpectedly in his sleep less than two weeks ago.  And a relationship with a deep soulmate ended recently as well. I don't usually have trouble being present with and allowing myself to feel my feelings.  Some might say I have too LITTLE trouble with that.  I'm the person that cries during television commercials, cries tears of joy frequently, and is not afraid to tell ...

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