How To Make Life Less “Sticky”

In our house, we like to use a particular kind of handmade lemon soap.  The other day I was in the shower and I noticed the soap was getting very thin- like, it was time for another bar soon.  And when I got out of the shower I actually remembered to put a new soap UNDER the tiny piece of soap.  Many times I keep forgetting to put the new soap in the soap holder, and do you know what happens then?  The old soap gets so thin and STICKY that it clings to the soap dish until it is really hard to even pick the old soap up anymore without breaking it in pieces and, well, having a big sticky mess.  Anyone know what I’m talking about here?

This got me thinking of how in putting the new bar of soap underneath the smaller piece I am letting the older soap do what it wants to do, which is STICK to something.  The old soap sticks to the new bar of soap very easily, and now it it not messy in the soap dish and as a bonus we get to use all of the old soap and not waste any.  

And then I thought: there has to be some application of this concept to relationships.  An example popped in my head.

Very early on in my relationship with my Beloved, we got to sitting on the couch to watch a movie together.  The first time we did this, my partner fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie.  Hmmmm, I thought to myself.  This isn’t very fun.  And after a few times of that happening during subsequent movies, I decided I didn’t really want to watch movies with him anymore.  But this news on my part didn’t go over well.  So we persevered.  

One day I came up with the perfect re-frame which really helped me let my Beloved do what he was naturally doing (falling asleep) without my being upset.  Just like letting the soap do what it naturally does (stick to things).  I decided that I could happily watch movies with my partner as long as I understood ahead of time that we watch movies in sections.  Twenty minutes at a time.  We’d start watching.  He’d fall asleep.  I’d shut the movie off and do something else while he slept.  Problem solved.  And I didn’t have to blame him for the “problem” anymore.  

(Later in our relationship, the problem also got solved in a different way so that now he usually can stay awake for the whole movie.)

Don’t you think there are innumerable ways that we can all benefit from this simple learning, namely that there are certain things we can’t control in relationships- like our PARTNERS- and instead of fighting them or being mad, we could just let them be how they are and focus on how WE can still feel good regardless?

I know this is not a new concept.  All 12 Step programs are based on this premise, for example.  Yet, as human beings, it can be so tempting to get the “two files” confused, as Gay and Katie Hendricks from the Institute for Conscious Living used to say.  The two files are the things we have control over and the things we don’t have control over.  

Are there things in your relationship(s) that you are trying to change but are actually not in your power to change?  Things only get stickier if you persist- take my word for it!


1.  We are having another Cuddle Party in the Temple of Tenderness on May 30!!!  Yes, it’s true, the moment you’ve all been waiting for is now within your reach, IF you are fully vaccinated. For all the dets click HERE!

2.  Sacred Lingam Massage for Singles and Couples on May 22nd from 3:30-6:30pm.  Yes, I have realized that it’s perfectly OK to have both singles AND couples attend these virtual sessions, since privacy is not longer an issue with the ability to turn off one’s camera on Zoom.  Please see the details HERE and let me know if you have any questions!  

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