More Drama Games

Last week I was talking about some games people play on what is called The Triangle, where all drama occurs.  This blog is a continuation of that.  Below is a list of more “games” that may sound familiar and how to avoid them.  Again, in some cases I have used either a masculine or feminine pronoun, but in these games, men and women can- and sometimes do-play either role. 1.  I am Your Master.  Here, you are the Victim and she is the Villain.  If you want to do something, such as go out with the guys, you have to ask her permission, as if you’re a child.  ...

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Drama Triangle Games and How to Avoid Them

Today I want to talk about what I affectionately call “The Triangle”, this is the place where all drama occurs in relationships.  I first learned about this at The Hendricks Institute, where I went to school for life coaching, and have found it a useful tool ever since. For a quick lesson, there are three spaces (thus, the triangle); Victim, Villain, and Hero.  The Victim says: ‘Poor me’, the Hero says: ‘Poor you’, and the Villain says: ‘F*** you’.  That’s the short form.  There is another option.  That’s cutting the drama out of your life, and ...

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Are You Getting Enough “Quality Time”?

I know “quality time” is a cliche that people make a lot of jokes about, but I’ve recently rediscovered how important it is to a relationship.  I noticed during my last long term relationship that I was getting more critical of my partner for what seemed like the little stuff.  This is always a sign that something bigger is going on.  I wasn’t REALLY upset that he was leaving the proverbial cap off the toothpaste, and neither are you.  Then something happened which caused me to realize what I WAS really upset about: I was angry that we weren’t spending enough ...

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The Psychology of Monogamy

So the other night we were sitting in our monthly Synergistic Energy Exchange group and I was reading an article about sacred sexuality to the group.  (I like to do that lately, put on my sexy librarian glasses and read to the group.  I call it “sacred porn”.) There’s this dude, Baba Dez Nichols, who was quoted in the article.  Baba Dez is the founder of the International School of Temple Arts in Arizona.  In the article he says: “Making more out of a relationship happens because we want something so much we distort reality. When we decide to only have sex ...

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I Love You, But…

You know that phrase, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you?” That phrase is often used as a preface to dumping someone.  However, if you’ve been with your partner for more than say six months, it’s completely normal to feel that way.  After all these years, I was- until recently- still buying into the idea of romantic love that we are all sold by our society, that we should have that in love feeling forever, and that if we don’t there‘s something wrong and we should get out of the relationship. But, if we use science to inform our expectations, we ...

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What’s Your Choice, Love or Fear?

In your relationships, do you choose love or fear?  There are many circumstances under which this simple question throughout the day can make a tremendous difference in the quality of your relationship. You may be in a marriage, a monogamous relationship, or an open relationship.  It matters not. What IS important is that when that crossroads presents itself, which it will several times each day, you ask yourself these questions:   Do I choose love or fear?  Which way do I want to go now?  You always have free will.  Sometimes you may choose fear.  That is ...

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On Sexual Polarity

I know this couple who in many ways is not an unusual couple at all.  She is a woman, yet she has a lot of masculine energy. He is a man, yet in many ways has a lot of feminine energy.  He would have more masculine energy, he used to, until he realized that they usually get along better if he lets her take the reins.  So to keep the peace, he lets her make most of the decisions, initiate most of what happens in their lives, and just generally “wear the pants” in the family. Now this may all sound great (or not) to you so far, but here’s where the problem comes ...

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One Story

A friend of mine had a rift in her marriage last year.  This was not an unusual story.  It may sound familiar to you, from your own life, or someone you know.  She had been married for a considerable number of years.  She noticed, several years before, that not only had she stopped having a desire for sex with her partner, but that she had literally at times felt repulsed by him.  She was not in love with anyone else nor was she having an affair. Hers is a story with a “happy ending”, or I should probably say a happy resolution, at least for the time being.  ...

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When It’s Over

Are you ready?  I’m going to share with you one of  the greatest myths of our times: We are meant to fall in love once, and stay together with that person for the rest of our lives.  Haven’t we all been told that?  Haven’t we all been told that true love is forever?  Well, it is, and it isn’t. First of all, yes, there are those whose High Self, the God(dess) part of them plans at the outset to find their partner, (usually a soulmate, someone who they have known and loved in past lives) and stay together literally ‘til death do they part.  But that is ...

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Cougars and Such

The topic of cougars keeps coming up in my life.  Some have said I am a cougar, although technically, I don't meet the full definition.   But cougars are not just women, either.   There are "man-cougars" too.  Let's start with the female cougars, though, since that seems to be the hot topic these days. A female cougar is a woman usually 40 years or older who exclusively pursues very young men, at least 10 years her junior, but typically  young enough to be her son.  So a cougar in her 40's would pursue a male partner in his 20's, a cougar in her 50's would ...

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