By now you’ve all heard the common self-love building technique of saying “thank you” (rather than deflecting) when someone gives you a compliment, right? Well, although I do recommend following that advice, this blog is about remembering to say “you’re welcome”.
Have you noticed that many times when someone thanks you for something, anything, you don’t actually say “you’re welcome”? I have. Maybe it’s gone out of style or something. Someone texts me a paragraph, and within it are the words “thank you”. I respond to the text, but ignore the thanks. Another possible response is “think nothing of it” or “it was nothing”. Really? Doesn’t that invalidate both the person who is expressing gratitude, and yourself for having done a good deed? I used to have a friend that said “think everything of it.” At least that was funny. Sometimes I just say “no problem”. Well, that is an acknowledgement that the person has thanked me, at least.
You’ve probably guessed by now that I value politeness. I think it can express how we value ourselves and other people. When my daughter and I traveled to Spain a couple of years ago, just about the only thing I liked less about Spain than America was this: almost no one says thank you there, let alone you’re welcome. We were like the only ones in the country, it seemed, going around thanking everyone. They probably thought we were freaks. 😉 Even here at home, when my daughter and her friends were younger, if I bought one of them an ice cream, took them out to dinner, or gave them a ride, there were kids that acknowledged it and thanked me and those that just said “bye” and slammed the car door. I’ve become more aware of “conscious languaging” lately- the art of consciously choosing the words we choose to create the desired results. One of my desired results in life, always, is to help myself and others to love themselves and each other more, and I think I am on to something when it comes to the politeness thing.
Let’s talk about why I have been in the process of developing the habit of saying “you’re welcome”. First, as mentioned above, it acknowledges the person that thanked me, whether it was electronically or in person. And that acknowledgement is loving. It also shows that I am graciously accepting of the person’s thanks. And lastly, think for a moment about what it actually means. You’re welcome. You are welcome to the thing that I just gave you (the favor, the material object, the compliment, whatever it may be). It implies this: I willingly, with an open heart, chose to do this thing for you and I actually took pleasure in it. Isn’t that a kind, loving thing to say to someone? Of course, I don’t recommend saying “you’re welcome” if you don’t mean it. If you did something “nice” for someone else because you felt obligated to, or because you were afraid the person would be mad if you didn’t say it, it really won’t do either of you any good to say “you’re welcome.”
I know being polite can sometimes be thought of as a little thing. However, if we are striving to create a better world, all the “little things” can go a long way.
Maria
I am from the the same thought
I will always hold doors for people to go in or out
I get strange looks but a lot of thank you too
and I always say you are welcome
It seems people go out of their own way to acknowledge a good thing
well I will not change and do what I feel is good in my own heart
I will see you soon
Jim
Beautiful, Jim! 🙂
Namaste. Hope all is well!
maria,
First, Thank you! You were my step one in becoming the person I am today. I have a hard time even remembering the worried, desperate person I was the first time I sat across from you on the couch. I never considered the value of the expression “your welcome”. Im still a work in progress, and I appreciate the simple insights.
You are so welcome, Laura. It was and is my pleasure to help you learn!
The paucity of politeness is one of my personal pet peeves….(Wow, that was unintentionally alliterative!) I try to be courteous at all times – it’s just the way I was raised – and I can’t tell you how many times I open a door for someone, or step aside to allow another to pass, and receive nothing in the way of a ‘Thank You.’ When my politeness IS acknowledged, I always try to respond with ‘You’re Welcome,’ for the very reasons mentioned in your blog.
In another example of ‘conscious languaging,’ I have been trying to develop a personal style when it comes to greetings. While ”Hi, how are you?” is okay, it conveys that I wish to know the status of someone I’m meeting for the first time, which may or may not be the case. Similarly, “Nice to meet you” may or may not be accurate, and in any case, may be premature….Haha! I noticed that David Letterman usually says, “Nice to see you” to guests on his show, and I think I prefer that to “Nice to meet you,” but I’m not quite sure, yet. I need to give this some more thought, but I am definitely with you on the ‘conscious languaging’ front!
Cool. It’s nice to know that at least one other person in Universe is tossing these things around in their head. (Sort of kidding, I know there are others.) And, I do admire and share the thought you put into what you say to people, so that it is as authentic and accurate as possible. There is real value in that! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!