A Stand For Love

I am living in the new paradigm now.  The Universe of my understanding requires me to show up as love.

I AM love; you ARE love.

This new place of a deeper, yet at the same time higher, understanding of this whole thing called life may sound confusing at times.  It does not conform to the old ways of doing things.  The old ideas of what is “right” and “wrong” hold no validity here.
Perhaps you have been feeling some conflict lately.  I wouldn’t be surprised.  Many at this time on the planet are.  The old way is starting to fall away….can you feel it?  And yet, the new way has not come completely clear.  It’s like that Indiana Jones movie when Harrison Ford is standing at the edge of something that looks like the Grand Canyon and he has no idea why, but he knows that his only choice is to jump.  So he does.  And- wait for it…one of those suspended ladder things that reaches from one side of the canyon to the other appears.  He lands on it and safely gets to the other side…Have you felt, of late, that you’re being asked to jump, yet you’re thinking, “where’s the fucking ladder?”

Who in their right mind would do that?  Only the spiritual warriors of the world, that’s who.

I would.

I would see that even when I am scared, I must be true to myself.  Even when I am being criticized, I must be true to myself.  Even when I am being blamed, made wrong, and ignored, I must be true to myself.

For me, being that my work in the world is about love, it’s most strongly come up for me in the area of- guess what- relationships, with myself and others.

My journey, as those of you who know me well have observed over the years has been one of self love first and, later, love of others.  I recognized a voice within me saying that I “was” polyamorous.

I introduced the thought to my monogamous boyfriend of five years.  He wasn’t on board.  I went through the pain of leaving him, and worked on some of my own shit for a while ( a year and a half, to be exact).

Then I got into my first “official” polyamorous relationship.  I felt the emotional pain of my own insecurities when my partner took other partners besides me and his wife.  It hurt. At times a lot.  And, I will not deny that I for sure tried to control him to alleviate my pain.  You already know how that went; I don’t have to tell you. 😉  I realized the problem was with me.  I, again, worked on my shit- for a long-ass time.  I healed almost all of the trauma I have had in my life.  And guess what?  No more jealousy.  (Well, okay, maybe like 1%, but THAT is more than livable.)

I did MORE work on myself.  I recognized my pattern of looking outside of myself for love, the pattern of co-dependency.  I spent (another) year and a half essentially alone.  I fell in love with myself at an even deeper level. I gave myself more love and compassion than even I knew I had to give.  And I felt very damn good.  I still do.  No, I’m not saying I love myself 100% of the time about all things.  And, I AM saying that when I start to veer off my path, I recognize it fairly quickly, and I have reliable ways to get back to a place of resonating with love again.

None of this was easy, and it was all worth it.

And so, no.  If you show up in my world with your insecurities and your jealousy and  your pettiness, based on the way I am living my life in the world, I will not go back to the old paradigm. That paradigm is based on scarcity and  fear and  I know how bad it feels- I HAVE BEEN THERE.

I have compassion for you.  And, I will not abandon myself for you.  I will not allow myself to be dragged back in to the drama of that way of thinking.  I no longer see myself as a victim; I understand I create it all.  And so do you.

I will have compassion for you, and I will NOT play small, I will not shrink myself to try not to “make” you feel a negative emotion.  I will not  mistreat myself any more.  I will not buy into the smaller version of you, either, that you seem to have bought into.  For now I know the truth.  I know who I am, and I know who you are.  I can see and feel the light, the pure positive energy, that we ALL are.  I cannot close my eyes to what I have opened them to.  It is not self-loving for me to make myself smaller so that I will not be threatening to you.  It is not loving of you, either.

I am taking a stand for love.  I am saying yes to love.  No matter what.  Sure, I may knock myself off my block once in a while, but I won’t be off for long.  I am taking a stand for wholeness.  I don’t care that the path gets a bit messy sometimes.


2 Replies to "A Stand For Love"

  • Tony Bogardus
    May 28, 2016 (4:00 am)

    Yes. Yes, I will join you!

    I am not quite as far along this new paradigm road as you are, but I’m on it, for sure. Getting healthy in mind and body has been an important step, and I still have a ways to go, even on that part. But that part is absolutely sending me in the right direction – in the direction you are already well on your way down (up?). Keep blazing that trail for me, and I’ll see you when (if?) I catch up. Or, we’ll just stay in touch from our various places on the road…Either way, it’s a nice road, and I am glad to share it with you, my awesome friend….<3

    • Maria Merloni
      June 1, 2016 (8:54 pm)

      Thanks Tony, I look forward to it! ♥