With so much in the news about girls and women being sexually abused and trafficked, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. What I am thinking about right now is not just the present—but the past. My own past.
At the time, I didn’t label my early experiences as harmful. They didn’t seem serious enough. But now, with more awareness, I see them through a different lens—one shaped by understanding consent, power, and the subtle ways we are influenced as young girls.
Early Experiences and Silent Confusion
One memory stands out clearly.
I was fourteen. He was eighteen—a senior in high school, admired, attractive, and someone many girls had a crush on. One day, as I was walking down the enclosed staircase in my home, he met me where no one else could see us.
Without warning or consent, he kissed me.
I remember feeling flattered, chosen, even special. But underneath that, there was discomfort. Fear. It didn’t feel right, and I didn’t enjoy it. Still, I said nothing. I carried it as a secret.
When Attention Feels Like Validation
A few years later, when I was seventeen and had my first boyfriend, something similar happened again. At a party, I stepped outside to go to the car. One of my boyfriend’s friends followed me and suddenly kissed me under a tree.
This time, I knew more clearly that I didn’t want it.
But I still didn’t stop it.
What I am thinking about right now is how deeply I associated male attention with validation. Even when I felt uncomfortable, part of me still thought: this means I’m wanted—and that must be a good thing.
Power, Age, and Lack of Awareness
Looking back, I ask myself if I could have reacted differently. Could I have stepped away? Said no?
Maybe. But I was younger, less experienced, and unsure of my own boundaries. They were older and more confident. There was a clear imbalance—one I didn’t yet have the awareness to recognize.
In those moments, I didn’t understand that:
- I had the right to say no
- Discomfort was enough reason to stop
- Silence is not consent
The Hidden Impact of “Small” Moments
For years, I minimized these experiences.
“They were just kisses.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
But what I am thinking about right now is how much those moments shaped me.
They taught me to ignore my instincts.
Also, they taught me to prioritize others over myself.
They taught me, quietly.
Published on: 3/17/26