I’ve got to be honest. The way women’s sexuality is depicted in our society really burns me up. Specifically, I’m referring to two popular places people get a “picture” of what to expect. One of them is in the porn industry. And the other, which is what I’ve been indulging in lately, is in women’s fiction.
First, yes, most of us have seen porn where the woman is just absolutely turned on IMMEDIATELY by what’s happening on screen, and then she’s having orgasms, including squirting orgasms, throughout the whole scene from intercourse alone. ARE there some women who act like that in real life? I’m going to say yes, but hardly any!
Then there’s the most popular women’s fiction writer in the world, whose books I have been devouring, especially while on long plane trips. I’m not going to mention her name because it’s not important. Basically, her books are all about lust. (I mean, who doesn’t like that?!) When the books finally get to the point where these two individuals destined to be together have sex, here’s what generally happens: The woman has an orgasm in the first few minutes, often without there being any contact whatsoever with her genitals. This first orgasm is just while they’re kissing and heavy breathing. There’s almost never any genital foreplay. The man may touch her breasts for a moment or two. Then the man puts his penis inside her and miraculously she orgasms one or more times from penetration alone, often simultaneously with him. Oh, and sometimes her first orgasm is a big gush of ejaculation.
What sexual experience have YOU ever had that went like that?
Examples like the women’s fiction and the porn above not only set up men to think that it’s a lot easier for a woman to have an orgasm than it really is, but they put women who do not meet these stereotypes into a state of shame, embarrassment, and feeling “not good enough” when it comes to their sexual performance. I have had these feelings about my own sexuality, and I’m a sex and relationship coach!
The truth about women’s sexuality is this: Orgasms in women are far less common than in men. Women’s orgasms usually take much longer to happen than men’s orgasms, and the more types of stimulation a woman has, the more likely she is to orgasm. According to multiple recent studies, in their last sexual encounter, it is estimated that 82–95% of men had an orgasm while 25–32% of women did. These percentages are higher for women with female partners. As women age, it gets harder to orgasm, takes longer, and the orgasm itself is mostly less intense.