I have a long-time client that may have had the worst life I’ve ever heard of. And she is one of the most courageous people I know.
If she were here, she would probably tell you I saved her life. But I know the truth: She saved her life.
She came up with a phrase to describe where she wants to be in her life. To her, it means not focusing on the traumatic past or the scary future, but just being right here, right now. It’s the best thing she has come up with. And it works when she has those tough times.
For all of us, the traumas of our lives never quite leave us, do they? There’s still a part of us, despite all of the work we’ve done, all of the self-help, the therapy, the group work, the books digested, etc., that is still not sure the world is a safe place.
I am not quite sure why all of this is coming out just now. However, I suspect that it’s because there are a lot of you out there that will resonate with what I am saying.
I had a breakthrough the other day in therapy. My session was about one of the biggest challenges of my life. It’s about putting my work out there in the world. It feels like baring my soul…to the whole world. It’s likely due to the very personal nature of my work, and the jobs I didn’t get, the schools I didn’t get into, the bullying I suffered on the playground, the clients I didn’t get.
In my therapy session, I got to a place of pure bliss, of joy that made me cry. And the secret was this: I realized the answer is ALWAYS “in the middle”.
The “answer”, if there ever is one, is not to slam the door shut on doing my work and hiding in my pretty home. It’s also not about getting so focused on work that I never give myself a break from it. It’s somewhere in the middle. In the middle, there is compassion and love and presence available.
It’s not about facing all the scariest tasks and forcing myself to do them for four hours straight. It’s starting out with thirty minutes of focused work and making a list of all the hardest, scariest tasks.
What is your hardest thing? I know you have one. I know I’m not as unique as I’d like to think I am.
What is your “middle”?
What I want to tell you is that, at least in that moment, I felt sure that life is good. That there is an answer for everything, even when the answer is that there’s no answer. And that is okay.
I know we’re all in some hard times in one way or another. I wanted to bring this message of equanimity and hope today. Life really does make sense. And if in this moment it doesn’t to you, you’re probably not “in the middle”.