My Hot Date

Last weekend, I had a really hot date.  With myself.

Shortly after my “not pretty” meltdown at the Tantra weekend (see blog titled “It’s Not Pretty and it’s Soooo Beautiful” if you’re interested), it began to dawn on me…the reason I have been single for so long is that it is not time for me to have a new partner.  It is time for me to go more deeply into loving MYSELF first.

Okay, I do have ONE kinky play partner right now that I occasionally see. (I mean, let’s be serious, we’re talking about ME here.)  Notice I said “play partner”, not boyfriend.  And having that one person that I can get my sexual needs met with does not stop me from being in an epic love affair with myself.

So, back to my hot date.  I did all the stuff.  All the stuff I would normally do when getting ready to go on a date:  I took a bath and shaved my legs.  I put body lotion on.  I did my hair.  I got dressed up sexy, wore heels.  Put on makeup.  I even put on some super yummy smelling essential oil that I normally only use on special occasions.  It WAS a special occasion!  Before I left the house, I laid out some sexy lingerie on the bed, for afterward, ’cause that’s what you do after a hot date, right?  Come home, put on something sexy lingerie, and have sex.

I took myself out to a really nice new restaurant that had excellent ratings online.  And right in the middle of all the couples and double-daters in the place, I got a table for one, facing out at the crowd.  I ordered a glass of champagne.  Yum.  I got an appetizer for myself.  I wasn’t the least bit worried about ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.  I knew my date wouldn’t mind paying; I am so worth it.

Even though I DID have a few twinges of sadness here and there, seeing all the couples, and I DID ignore my date for about five minutes by going on Facebook (damn, that is so rude!), I just kept re-focusing myself back to my self-love.  And for the most part, it was a lovely experience.  I even got a delicious latte at the end so I’d be nice and alert for the next part of my date, taking myself to the movies.

The movie was EXACTLY the one I wanted to see- go figure.  And I sat exactly where I wanted to sit.  I had my favorite kind of Ben & Jerry’s – child size, since I was still so full from dinner.  And I just felt so loved.  I cried during one of the previews- that one’s going to be a tearjerker!  I cried during the movie too, yet this time they were tears of joy, not sadness.  (Went to see “The Intern”, by the way.  I highly recommend it.)

On the way home, I was totally blissed out.  I was so filled up with love.  And I cried again.  It was one of those moments.  I cried tears of joy about how beautiful life is.  Just how beautiful it all is, even the uncertainty and the struggle.  It’s all worth it in the end.  It all makes sense.

When I got home, I was too tired for sex.  I brushed my teeth, put on my cozy pajamas, and turned off the light.  And I definitely did NOT think it was because I didn’t find myself sexy. 😉