A New Way to Grieve
Christmas was bittersweet for me this year. Yes, I enjoyed the time I spent with my family, and I was also grieving on that day. Anyone who has had a major loss (which is practically everyone) knows that the holidays can be a time when they especially miss the person they have lost. In my case, I have been grieving the loss of my primary partner at a deeper level, now that we are not in any contact whatsoever and there is the distinct possibility we may never be. It has been kind of like starting over at the first stage of grief. (Not as intense this time, and still starting over.)
So after all the festivities were over, I came back home by myself and went on- what else- Facebook. I saw an article that a friend had tagged me in about female orgasm, and the more I read, the more sexual feelings I was having. I decided a bit of self-pleasuring was in order. When I got started, however, I realized this was going to be a sort of multi-tasking; my grief re-surfaced as well....
There’s no Place Like Home
I know I haven't mentioned this in a while....grief takes time. Yes, there are exciting wonderful new things happening in my life (not with a new romantic interest- too soon) and I am still in my grief process.
"Bargaining" is the second to last stage in the process. Don't let that phrase 'second to last' fool you. It's not a linear process. Things go 'round and 'round until they're done. And there's no way of predicting when that will be.
So, I was there in the bargaining phase not too long ago. And at the end of it, I realized there needed to be a period of absolutely no contact between me and my former partner. I was sad; I had some tears streaming down my face at that moment of realization. And then I pushed my sadness down. Rationalized that I'd already felt it to completion, that there couldn't really be much there since I'd already come so far in my grief process. (That's correct, you are not the only one who lies to yourself occasionally to "protect" yourself from pain.)...
A Master of “Time”
I did a quick, down-and-dirty sticky note technique for mapping out my goals in 2105. I highly recommend doing this. It doesn't have to be a big-deal, "serious" thing. Do some breathing or meditation for a few minutes, get out a sticky note, and just let the first three things that come up go from your heart-brain through your hand to your paper. Start to finish, this exercise took all of three minutes. And the last thing that came out for me was: Become a master of "time." (Note: last doesn't necessarily mean least important.)
I put "time" in quotation marks because it is actually an illusion constructed by us so that we have some kind of a sense of urgency to do what we came here to do....otherwise we might spend most of our lives lying around eating bon-bons....well, and maybe one other thing. ;) ...
Introducing The Re-Frame!
You may or may not have heard of this concept before. If you have, it's okay. I have found that much of life is a process of forgetting and remembering things. Sometimes it is helpful to have another person remind you of something you may need to get back on your radar. (In fact, I've had the thought that maybe that's what we're all here together for, to remind each other of the unconditional love and abundance that the Universe consists of.) Even if you are familiar with re-framing, today, I hope I can be that person for you.
And, if you have no idea of what I'm talking about, here you go:...
Mirror, Mirror
You may have heard the saying: "other people are your mirror"? What that means to me is, other people have a gift for us, even when we may not at first perceive it as such. Other people in our lives are mirroring to us something about ourselves. It can be a hard fact to accept. It seems much easier to simply blame, criticize, and judge. Or that has certainly been the popular way, anyhow. It is not simply that our partner, for example, has an issue, and if it causes problems in the relationship, it is their fault. It is never anyone's fault. Both people co-create every situation, in every relationship, not just romantic ones- for a reason. For both of their highest good, growth, and learning, should we choose to take the opportunity.
For example, there is someone in my life (not naming names here) who has been on a destructive path with alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, destroying his emotional and physical health. ...
Between Dramatization and Minimization
That's exactly where I want to be with this grieving process.
I started out in the drama zone. I didn't think I was being dramatic, and I was. What I learned is this: because I have literal conscious memories of some of my most horrific past lives, when I was doing my grieving about this relationship, I was connecting in to the energy of those lifetimes. The result? I was depressed, in despair, and completely unmotivated. (If you've ever had a period in your life when you had to force yourself to do absolutely everything, including getting out of bed, you know- it is not fun!) Mind you, this was an unconscious process. I wasn't saying to myself: "Gee, I think I'll connect with all of my past lives in which betrayal and abandonment issues came up for me, so I can feel really miserable." However, whether conscious or unconscious, the result was still the same.
With the help of my non-physical friends, I came up with a new way to do my grieving, which I believe can work for any type of grief you or I may encounter in life. And here are the steps:...
Law of Attraction in Action
I forgot. The good news is, it's been so long (apparently, since I felt really sh*tty) that I actually forgot what happens. The bad new is, it's bad, lol.
Then I realized: it's a good teaching point. This is the Law of Attraction in Action (see how that rhymes)? The Law of Attraction is that thing that makes life so that when we are on a roll, more and more good things keep happening. And when we are in the dumps, more and more bad things keep happening. Did you ever notice that life is like that? Like attracts like. When my vibration is at a high level, I attract things energetically that match it. The reverse is also true, unfortunately. These pesky Universal laws always have a caveat ;)....
It Takes Two, Baby
Whenever there is a conflict in a relationship, you can be sure it is not one person's "fault". There is simply no such thing.
You see, we all have unresolved issues from the past, whether they be from past lives or this current lifetime. I don't think all the work ever gets done. (Well, there's one exception, you are temporarily done when you die. Thus the good old expression: "When you're done, you're dead.") I'm sorry if I'm the bearer of bad news. We are here on earth to learn and grow. If everything were perfect all the time, how could we keep learning and growing?
Working out these past "traumas", if you will, is the purpose of relationship. Only our beloveds can push our buttons in just the right way so that what comes up are the most painful core wounds we have. Only our beloveds have the power to give us so much joy at times, and to be be part of so much agony at others. Sound familiar? :)...
The Love Lie
I want to address a topic that has been floating around in my head for years. It is this idea that if we "love" someone, then that is it. It means we are to marry that person and then stay- happily ever after- with them for the rest of our lives. And we ask each other about it as if it were some magical thing: "Well, do you love her? Do you love him? " As if that would settle everything.
This idea is fed to us from the time we are toddlers watching Disney movies. We are told it in our churches and synagogues. We hear all sorts of versions of this message in our media. Heck, even our government here in America promotes it- if we are good boys and girls and are married, we will get a tax break. :P...