Between Dramatization and Minimization

That’s exactly where I want to be with this grieving process.

I started out in the drama zone.  I didn’t think I was being dramatic, and I was.  What I learned is this:  because I have literal conscious memories of some of my most horrific past lives, when I was doing my grieving about this relationship, I was connecting in to the energy of those lifetimes.  The result?  I was depressed, in despair, and completely unmotivated. (If you’ve ever had a period in your life when you had to force yourself to do absolutely everything, including getting out of bed, you know- it is not fun!)   Mind you, this was an unconscious process.  I wasn’t saying to myself:  “Gee, I think I’ll connect with all of my past lives in which betrayal and abandonment issues came up for me, so I can feel really miserable.”  However, whether conscious or unconscious, the result was still the same.

With the help of my non-physical friends, I came up with a new way to do my grieving, which I believe can work for any type of grief you or I may encounter in life.  And here are the steps:

1.  Be clear that, when crying or whatever, you are focusing on the current loss, and only the current loss.  If there are other unresolved losses, you can deal with them later.  One thing at a time.

2.  Allow yourself to acknowledge and express the feelings coming up.  With loss, these are usually “the big three”- sadness, fear, and anger.  Over and over again, as they organically surface.  This is not a one-time process or a quick fix.  Sigh…  unfortunately. 🙁

3.  Promise yourself that you will do everything in your power to take the best possible care of yourself during this process; in other words, promise yourself that you will not abandon  yourself.  And then follow through with it.  After all, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?!

4.  Make sure that if you are experiencing some grief about abandonment that you are actually doing just that, which is not the same as an unmet expectation.  For example, I expected my former partner, early on, to stop by my house one day.  Not because he said he was going to do that.  Because I assumed he would, given the particular circumstances that day.  And then he didn’t.  This triggered my abandonment wound.  In reality, there was no abandonment this time.  I created that feeling myself because of my expectations…Let go of expectations.  They’re setups.  Especially right now in your life.  You don’t need that sh*t.

At the same time, I was doing so many great things for myself every day, I should literally be the poster child for self-care.  (See #3, above.)  To the point where I was minimizing, to myself and others, what a big f*cking deal this is.  One day I realized:  that’s why I’ve been bleeding for over three effing weeks!  It’s my body’s way of telling me- “Yes, it is a big deal and you need to acknowledge it.”  So I did.  I had a little talk with my body.  And the next morning, I woke up, and haven’t had any bleeding since.  Pretty cool, huh?

So, yeah, I am here to say, I am doing it all as well as any human being could do with this sort of thing, and it is still incredibly difficult.  No more sugar-coating here.