I’m Messy
Last night I was so scared. I've had a couple of really big losses lately- one, an actual death, and one that just feels like the other person has died. More specifically, my brother died fairly unexpectedly in his sleep less than two weeks ago. And a relationship with a deep soulmate ended recently as well.
I don't usually have trouble being present with and allowing myself to feel my feelings. Some might say I have too LITTLE trouble with that. I'm the person that cries during television commercials, cries tears of joy frequently, and is not afraid to tell ...
My Open Heart
It hurts. Letting go of a Beloved always hurts. It really doesn't get easier with "practice" and life experience, does it? Not for me anyway.
Last week I had an ending of relationship with one of my lovers. And even though I was the one who initiated it, my heart still hurts. I am deeply saddened that this one didn't work out, and still even now getting in touch with just how badly I wanted it to...alas, when it isn't right, it isn't right.
My heart is broken open. I am wiling to feel all of my feelings and ride the waves. That part doesn't get easier; ...
Numbers Are Good- For Math
I've been thinking about how we use numbers to evaluate people a lot. And it's not a good thing.
Numbers for scores on tests. Numbers for height. Numbers on a scale. Numbers for age. And there's always a "good" number and a "bad" number, right? As if these numbers somehow mean something about our worthiness as human beings. My God/dess, there's a literal rating system for someone's attractiveness! "(S)he's a ten".
The number that REALLY got me thinking about all this is the: "What's your number?" question. I don't mean me personally. I just mean in ...
Boundaries 101
Boundaries have been coming up for me SO MUCH lately! As I raise the bar with my own boundaries- again, defined by Brene Brown as "what's okay, what's not okay"- the next opportunity to inquire into and define my boundaries comes up.
What I know about setting and keeping clear boundaries is that it is way the hell up there with top ways for us to love ourselves. The first time I heard that, it struck me as odd, or at least as a thought I'd never had before. And, in time, I've come to realize how true that really is.
I do recommend giving some thought to this ...
On “Making Love”
I woke up this morning with this thought: When we use the phrase "making love", what does that really mean? In fact, it doesn't make sense to me anymore.
I've always been a bit let down by the ability of that phrase to accurately reflect what it really IS. I mean, it's useful, yes, to get the point across. Different from fucking (or is it?). The urban dictionary gives this definition of making love: "Sexual intercourse between two people who love each other. Practiced by same sex couples or different sex couples." Not INaccurate, yet not very inclusive either. ...
The Season of Giving
The holiday season is upon us, and this year I am thinking about giving. Not the kind of obligatory giving that we have probably all done. The kind of giving that comes from a genuine impulse to give. Have you ever thought about that?
A few years back, I noticed that when I would let someone go in traffic, and the person did not acknowledge it and thank me by waving, I would get mad. And then I thought to myself: "Well, why am I doing it in the first place? So that someone will thank me?"
I realized I didn't actually want to do it; it was just a thing I did ...
One Never Knows
A few weeks ago, I attended a cultural event that my daughter was performing in at her college. My ex-husband attended also. We might have driven together- this would not be unusual- except for the fact that we both had prior engagements, separately.
He got there first and waited for me to arrive before we entered together. It was a sit-down event with numbered tables, much like those that would be set up at a wedding reception.
We sat at a table near the front. We were the only ones at our table, until a family of three (mother, father, daughter) arrived. ...
It’s a Jungle Out There
Some of you know of my recent "experiment": going on a dating website, for the first time in my life. So far, I have been on one date and one almost-date. I think I'm starting to understand when people say things like "trying to find a needle in a haystack" about dating sites.
The first guy (I'll call him "Bob") seemed very like-minded. We had some hopeful interactions online and via text. He said he'd decided that "ethically non-monogamous" was the way to go, for him. I knew there was a chance he was just saying that to get with me, AND I liked him enough ...
Me, Me, Me, Me, Me
Every once in a while I get someone on Facebook who makes a really negative comment on one of my threads. I don't usually attract that sort of thing, and when I do I tend to delete it, as I'm not interested in negativity, and want to keep things loving and positive if I can.
About a month ago, I had posted about being on t.v. And one of my Facebook "friends" wrote "me, me, me, me, me" as a response. I did delete it. And then, it got me thinking. There are a couple of noteworthy thoughts I had in particular.
First is- yes, ME. It is so taboo in our culture ...