On “Making Love”
I woke up this morning with this thought: When we use the phrase “making love”, what does that really mean? In fact, it doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
I’ve always been a bit let down by the ability of that phrase to accurately reflect what it really IS. I mean, it’s useful, yes, to get the point across. Different from fucking (or is it?). The urban dictionary gives this definition of making love: “Sexual intercourse between two people who love each other. Practiced by same sex couples or different sex couples.” Not INaccurate, yet not very inclusive either.
I’m developing a different point of view, based on my recent experiences and understanding of what love actually is.
First of all, is it really possible to “make” love? Isn’t “love” really the essence of who we are? We are all pure positive energy. That’s love. How can we “make” ourselves?
Wouldn’t it be more accurate, in a way, to say “be love”, or “be who we really are, together”, “be in our essence, together”?
Or, and I know this is getting very deep, 😉 can’t we “be love” with ourselves?
And why does it have to be “sexual intercourse”? I’ve most certainly “made love” with all of my clothes on, with no actual physical contact at all.
And I’ve “made love” with more than one person at a time, like physically, in the same time and space- with more than one person. With and without clothes on. With and without words.
I know, you may be thinking: “What is she talking about? It’s all semantics”. In a way, it doesn’t really matter what we call it. I agree.
Yet, isn’t it time we start to broaden our perspective of what love and loving really are?
Some of my readers are non-monogamous, some aren’t. Doesn’t matter. This applies to everyone. In this sense, the existence of monogamy in the traditional way of seeing it becomes a sort of misnomer. Even in partnerships where there is a clear desire and agreement to be sexually and romantically monogamous, and both parties are in complete integrity about this, there’s still a way in which we may “make love” to many others.
Last weekend I engaged in a sacred sharing of words, time, presence, and eventually touch- though not sexual touch- with another woman and a man. We all did our best to really hear and see each other, and to validate each other. And to have compassion for both ourselves and each other. It was beautiful. It was a form of making/being love together. We were each connecting in with our high selves and with that of each other. It was, simply, love. And I loved it.
When there is someone you adore, who adores you back, and you meet each other in that space of timelessness, understanding, knowing, is that not a form of making love- or being love- together? Even if one or both of you are in a monogamous relationship with someone else? That part is irrelevant.
And this “someone” may be your best friend, or a complete “stranger” on the street that you share a moment with. After all, we’re truly all in love with each other anyway. We are all one.