Naked Before You

Getting naked here on so many levels.

Naked right now after going on a hard run.  That I  procrastinated on for the past lot-of hours today.  Hot and sweaty and out of breath.  Stripped down to nearly nothing before the shower I’m about to take.

And feeling very naked emotionally, too.  Yes, I got very triggered today.   Yes, my last two posts on here have been very true and very real.  I was raw and feeling less than and unable to move forward a couple months (?) ago.  And then last week, I was in a place of feeling blissful and full of love and possibility.  And none of it was anything less than my truth in those moments, months, weeks, days.

And yet, such is the nature of us as human beings, is it not?  I got into a funk today.  Triggered in what feels like the deepest place of fear and vulnerability in my life at present- my work, my sacred work.  Not the stuff that’s easy for me now.

“Why do I get so scared and have so much resistance?  Is it because of my past life experiences?  My fear and resistance feels so big and out of proportion sometimes.  There must be something wrong with me”….I said all of this in my head during my run just now.

Yet, I know this is not true.  There is  nothing wrong with me.  And those thoughts are not helpful.

A friend of mine on Facebook today posted about her frustration: that she longs to accept all of herself, and sees it happening at times, feels it happening– and then gets right back to an old, familiar place of pain.  I got the sense she thinks she’s the only one.  And I wanted to write back to her:  “Doesn’t that simply make  you human like the rest of us?”  But I didn’t because I was too wrapped up in my own pain.  She was just “speaking” my truth for me in public.

And now I am.

So here it is.  Here I am:

Sometimes, I am terrified.  Sometimes I feel so grounded and secure and full of confidence that I can’t imagine what it feels like to be terrified.  Sometimes I look at myself and I can see so much beauty.  Sometimes I have nothing but criticism and derisive inner dialogue for myself.  Sometimes I have unlimited amounts of life force energy flowing though my body.  Sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open.  Sometimes I feel absolutely surrounded by love, everywhere I look.  Sometimes, I feel lonely and longing for a particular person, or that imagined “someone”.  Sometimes I feel depressed.  Sometimes I feel happy beyond belief.  Sometimes I feel anxious.  Sometimes I am cool as a cuke.

Of course, there are gray areas- it’s not always black and white- and, I HAVE been known to have trouble doing things in moderation. 🙂

Here’s what I know:

Love is the opposite of fear.  All of the less pleasant experiences I mentioned above are fear-based.  So, when I’m creating them, I’ve lost touch with love.  Love for myself.  Connection with Source.

Going on a run was a loving act.  It ALWAYS gets me back in touch with my real self.  Writing this blog was a loving act.  At the beginning of it, I was crying, yet it felt more out of relief than pain.  Shining the light on shame has a way of making it disappear into thin air.

In THIS moment, I feel centered and balanced and happy again.

My thought now is this:  making a shift can be that easy for me and for any of us.  Start with one thing.  Choose the most self-loving thing, right now.  I allowed myself to feel better; I didn’t “try” to feel better.

Pure positive energy is always flowing to me/us….are we allowing it?

 


3 Replies to "Naked Before You"

  • Stephen
    May 6, 2016 (6:33 am)
    Reply

    Made me think of the William Carlos Williams poem…..

    As life
    is each day
    upon the twig
    which may break

    So springs
    Your love
    fresh up
    lusty
    for the sun

    The bird’s companion

    …. The freshness, aliveness
    lusty and hungry as in the sun
    And the awareness of fragility ,
    Vulnerability
    as the twig which may break
    It is all so natural ….
    Companion to the birds
    just there always

    And can we creatures of mind and thought live there in that fragile and thrilling moments of being alive and present

    • Maria Merloni
      May 17, 2016 (9:25 pm)
      Reply

      Love that! It does capture the essence of what I was saying. Thanks for sharing. ♥

  • Tony Bogardus
    June 10, 2016 (5:22 am)
    Reply

    I love when you are naked before us! You have been – so many times – as part of these blogs, and I think those are my favorite ones….When you are fully exposed and vulnerable. I am always pleased for you when you write from a place of strength and self-empowerment. And from self-love. It is when you reveal the darker, tougher shadings, though, that I love you the most. I am grateful that you can be naked with us, and I am glad to know that you always will come back to that nakedness from time to time. <3


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