A Sparkly Star

I came with my case of toilet paper
And my case of paper towels
And toddler wipes, to keep the buttocks clean, but of course not to clog the toilet with
I came trying to put on the face of order
‘It’s all under control
I’m organized
I do things the smart way, can’t you see?’
‘You should strive to be more like me’
I came as a terrified little girl
‘Am I sure I’m ready for this?
What if he sees through?
That inside I am not so sure of myself
And echoes of Mom still play in my head:
You’re not good enough
You’re not wanted here
You’re doing it wrong
There’s simply something bad about you, that’s all you need to know’
The road for the Organized Woman and the Scared Little Girl is rough
I am strong, clear, on the ball, on top of it all
Savvy, and, not small
I am big, I am IT, I am seen, I am heard, I am loved
I am Love
Yes, all of that, and
I am weak, I am scared, I am tight, I am the closed bud
I am meek, I am confused
I lose myself
I compare myself,
I am not it
Thank you
 My Boo
 For being a place where I can show up as a queen
 And as a wretch
‘You’re a mess’, you say, in the kindest, most comical way
And you are right
‘You are a Goddess and a queen’, you say
And you are right
Someway, somehow
Through it all
Through the terror and the bliss
And the sickness and the ecstasy
And the dread and the forgiveness
Somehow, through it all
You help me see
Oh wait, I help me see…
More clearly than ever before
I am a sparkly star
I grow to remember this more often
Even when I am witnessing myself not remembering-
I am remembering
Are you magical?
Yes and no
Am I magical?
Yes and no
It depends which ‘me’ I choose to be
You are my mirror, my perfect reflection
Of Divinity and humanity
And I see
More clearly than ever before…
I am a sparkly star

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