What’s it Gonna be (Boy), Yes or No?
Hope you liked my Meatloaf reference (above). Surprise! This blog is not really about music. (You probably knew that, huh?) 😉
It is about checking in with yourself about your “yes’s” and “no’s”. This is a really good way to be honoring of yourself, and to make sound decisions, all at the same time.
Let’s say you get invited to a party, and are not sure whether you want to go or not. Here’s an exercise you can do to help you make that decision. Get quiet. Do some breathing and meditation. Then, with your eyes still closed, imagine yourself choosing the first option, say, going to the party. What happens in your body when you do this? Do you light up? Do you have a feeling of expansion? Do you shut down? Contract? Feel more alive? Feel a bit “dead” inside? This will give you a big clue as to whether you are a “yes” or a “no” to going to the party. Simply take note of what happened. Then, imagine yourself staying home from the party (or doing whatever you would do if you didn’t go), and again, check in with what’s happening in your body. The body doesn’t lie. And, if you are open to hearing it, it gives a pretty clear message.
There is also such thing as a “full-body yes”. That is when your whole body lights up when you think about the “thing”. A couple hours ago, I was describing to a friend the sugar-free chocolate cream pie I am going to make for Thanksgiving. We were hiking on a path, so he had to turn around to see the look on my face while I was describing it. I realized I was all lit up and he could already hear it in my voice. That was a full-body yes!
Want to be really happy and self-loving? Try this formula: anything but a full-body yes is a no. Don’t do things you have to rationalize yourself into saying yes to.
Play with it. Use the method I taught above, or make up your own ways to note when you are getting a “yes” or a “no” to something. Make it a fun game instead of a series of serious decisions. I’d say almost all of us, myself included, are often taking this life thing way too seriously!
Sometimes, when sharing my “yes’s” and “no’s” with another person, I simply use the same language. As in, “I’m getting a no to that.” Or, “I’m getting a yes to that in my body.”
We or they do not even need to know why it is a yes or a no. Normally, that is an exercise in futility, trying to figure out the “why” of anything. If you are to know, it will come to you effortlessly. Isn’t the fact that you know what you want and don’t want enough?
Also, we are not obligated to tell people the reason we are choosing something. We don’t owe each other explanations.
Know, too, that sometimes your “yes” or “no” can change. I have noticed that at times landing on my “no” and asserting my right to say no to something has created it (later) becoming a yes. Or vice versa.
Here’s an example: A few weeks ago, I went out for my morning jog. Suddenly, the last thing I wanted to do was jog! I started saying things in my head, like: “I don’t even like jogging. What am I doing?! I’m not going to force myself to do anything I don’t want to do anymore.” So I didn’t. I did some brisk walking instead, and really enjoyed how I could observe nature more easily when I was moving more slowly. I did this for about three days. And then, the next day I was out and felt a strong longing for the “high” I get from jogging. So I jogged. And because I had fully exercised my “no” when it had been coming up, I was now able to fully enjoy my “yes”. I jogged, and felt great. Got the high. Since then, I have been checking in with myself each day and seeing what I feel like doing that day- jogging, walking, hiking, hula hooping? Taking the day off? Something else?
This weekend I am going to jump on a trampoline for an hour. And…I am getting a full-body yes to that! 🙂