Trapped in the Car…
So, as promised, I am continuing today with “the rest of the story”, aka what happened after my boyfriend and I decided to move in together. It was the end of 2013, and as I was still in my coaching program (My Sacred Yes) at the time, I had just gotten some “homework” from my Council (group of non-physical friends who wanted to sit in on the session and help guide me) during channeling. And, my partner and I were “trapped in the car” together for an extended period of time, so I figured it was a good time to try out this homework…
Although before I tell you about it, let me give you a little relevant background info: first, I had not lived with a man since my divorce, which was 12.5 years ago- but who’s counting- at that time. 😉 My boyfriend had not even been living without a partner (his wife, in this case) for a full year. And he had been married for twenty-five years. Let me say that again: twenty-five years. (And trust me, most of them did not sound like a positive experience!) And also, we had decided to move in together under less-than-ideal circumstances. I had wanted him to move in simply because I wanted to be able to see each other daily, and because I was really tired of getting stuck in ridiculous traffic on the way to his house. He had not wanted to move in, and decided to do so the day after he chose not to continue with a job he had thought he wanted (turns out there were some unethical things the company was asking him to do, and he was not down with it). And, he was unhappy in his present housing situation and knew he had to make a change.
As I’m sure you can already tell, it was not exactly the “oh-let’s-move-in-together-’cause-we’re-so-in-love” scenario I had imagined. We were so in love, and the question still remains…was it a mistake to move in together for the “wrong reasons”? I remember feeling sad the way he told me he’d decided to move in. He sounded so resigned to it. I asked him about it and he said he felt like he had failed. Then he said maybe it was the wrong decision, since I was so sad about it. (Was it me, or was it both of us, for different reasons?) I wanted him to move in so badly, I just glossed over that and said he should, and he did not protest.
The “homework” was for us both to, verbally, list all the fears we had about the big move. And so, that day in the car, we did. Somewhere along the way, I realized he was not the only one that was scared. He was just the only one feeling it and expressing it. And thus the homework developed. So that we could both get in touch with and put out on the table what we were so scared about.
Some of the things were funny. For example, at one point he said that he was scared that we wouldn’t have enough sex when we lived together. He also said he was afraid that I’d want to have too much sex. I was pretty sure he didn’t need to worry about both of those things! And, that’s how some fears are- irrational. So, some of the exercise was clearly of service to us because we could almost immediately see how silly some of our fears were.
Other ones were not as clear cut. We worried that we’d drive each other crazy. That we weren’t compatible in terms of our internal time clocks, with him being a night owl and me being a morning person. We worried that we would fall out of love with each other once the other person really got to know us, that we’d get sick of each other, that the relationship would seem less exciting if we got to see each other every day. The list went on an on. There was a lot of fear present in the car that day.
The whole exercise was kind of like looking under the bed, seeing the monster, and living to tell about it. And it was super-scary. But we did not run away from each other screaming.
It is something I would recommend doing, if you are also at a crossroads and about to make a big step in your own relationship (like deciding to have a baby, or get married, or any number of things). I think it is good to get in touch with our fears. To see that some of them are probably never going to come true. And some of them may, but at least by that time they will have become conscious fears, and not unconscious fears, which are the worst kind. Unconscious fears can wreak havoc.
Two years in a row now, we have had an uneventful New Year’s Eve. The first year was the day his wife had asked him for a divorce. And, the day he came down with the flu. This past year it was the day he brought a bunch of stuff to my house and did not go back to his place, even though he was officially still paying rent there for another month.
Well, so maybe New Year’s Eve 2013 was kind of eventful after all…it was the night he moved in. Kind of bittersweet for me.