Many people, especially women, feel guilty for having pleasure. Here’s the problem with that. Pleasure, for a woman, is the main way her entire nervous system gets regulated. And yet, we’ve been socialized to think that we must only give to others, and when it comes to sex, of course, it would be “selfish” to focus on our own pleasure. This is exactly why understanding that pleasure is not selfish is so important.
Sorry/not sorry….that outdated idea has got to go.
I was interviewing a woman last year about her sexual experiences. I know this woman and I believe that she’s having a “good” sex life. But even she said that when it comes to having an orgasm, she feels guilty if she’s taking too long. And if SHE feels guilty, what about that women that AREN’T having a “good” sex life?!
The Power of Pleasure and the Wisdom of Mama Gena
Many of you, I’m sure have heard of Mama Gena, the woman in New York that runs women’s empowerment workshops. For years, she’s been preaching the power of a woman who gives herself pleasure. I had a friend who went through her program. She had a pink feathered fan to touch herself with throughout the day to give herself little “pleasure breaks.”
Turns out, this Mama Gena had the right idea early on. I keep seeing Instagram posts about how women’s nervous systems are regulated through pleasure, which produces oxytocin in the body.
How Pleasure Impacts the Nervous System
Guys, your nervous systems can be regualted through oxytocin too! Instagram told me your nervous systems are regulated with dopamine, but that’s actually not true.
Here are some things that can cause oxytocin release:
- Affectionate touch and cuddling. If you don’t have someone to do this with, it is just as effective to do it with yourself. Touch your own body. Give yourself a hug.
- Sensual touch and masssage. Again you can give yourself these things.
- Sexual arousal. Ditto.
- Orgasm. Yay.
- Breastfeeding.
- Emotional bonding and feeling deeply connected. This can come about from a variety of activities, such as sex, shared activities, and calm communication, for example.
When oxytocin is released in the body, it shifts our nervous systems from stress mode into what is sometimes called “rest and digest” mode. The body heals then. Your body’s immune system functions better, and your moods are better. Your mood regulation is better. The list of positive benefits goes on.
Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. Sexual and non-sexual pleasure. And remembering that pleasure is not selfish can completely shift how you experience it.
If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your loved ones.
Published by: 04/09/2026