True Or False: Relationships Are A Lot Of Work.
As I was saying….If you want to be satisfied and happy in your relationship, you will need to commit some time and attention to it.
I know you may think you are committing time to your relationship. Maybe you spend almost every night sitting next to your beloved watching tv or movies together. You perhaps sleep in the same bed together. You may eat one or more meals together each day. You may even go grocery shopping together; some couples do.
With all of that, you might feel like you can barely get away from your partner.
Here’s the rub, though. Being in each other’s presence is not what I’m talking about. Having a truly fulfilling relationship requires spending time when you two are a) alone and b) focusing on each other.
If you have kids, or housemates, I understand that being alone would require some doing on your part. And, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to have that time. Ideally, you would have time alone together every day. Near the end of my marriage (now 20 years ago), I thought it was an accomplishment that we were having a date night once a month. Notice that I said at the end of my marriage. I recommend that you have at least a couple of hours a week just for the two of you, with no distractions.
And then it’s about really paying attention to one another. A couple I’ve been working with recently expressed that they feel like, after years of marriage, they already know everything about one another. I pointed out that no one even knows “everything” about themselves, let alone another person. We are complex beings. We are constantly changing. If you can adopt what is sometimes called a “beginner’s mind” when it comes to being in presence with your partner, that is best. Get curious. Be in the moment. See what’s there.
What I have just described, the combination of regular time alone together and being present with each other, this is what keeps a relationship vibrant. Will conflicts come up sometimes? Hell yes! And be grateful when they do. It means you are paying attention; it’s normal. Resolving conflict together brings you closer. If you’re not sure how to do this, consider getting some professional help from a therapist and/or coach.
I’ve been doing this work for decades now. And in my personal as well as professional experience, the couples that do these things are the couples that usually stay together.
So, does it take “work” to be in a great relationship? Not exactly. However, it does take some planning and willingness to actually be present with each other on a regular basis.
REMEMBER, If you feel less CONNECTED than you’d like with yourself, the Divine, or your Beloved, and desire to live a life of connection on all 3 levels beyond what’s been possible for you before, I invite you to sign up for a free CONNECTION CALL with me. During this call, we will talk about your current challenge- where you are and where you want to be-, lay out a plan to get you there, and then we’ll discuss whether we’re a good fit to work together. Even if we decide no, I will give you a referral or tool to point you in the direction of your own personal “brand new day.” Schedule a free call HERE.