Tomorrow is my partner’s birthday. Well, technically for him, it’s his birthday now, because he’s in Japan. And even though I can’t spend his birthday with him, I am incredibly happy! I am having an amazing, embodied experience of compersion. You may or may not know that compersion is a word used in poly circles to describe the joy that comes from seeing your partner enjoy his freedom, basically. And that’s what I’m high on today.
We Skyped a couple hours ago. He was so excited to tell me about his birthday celebration in Japan. Some friends took him out, and, not surprisingly, he made a lot of new friends throughout the evening. There was one woman in particular that he calls his “first heartthrob” since he’s been there. They hung out together until the wee hours of the morning. He also danced with her and a bunch of her friends. Women were coming out of the woodwork to be around him because when he’s in that fun place, he’s a chick magnet! Asking to have their pictures taken with him, even. Not surprising to me, of course!
At one point during the evening, a Japanese man said something about how hard it is for men and women to have a good relationship. Using his crush as an interpreter, he told the man about how it really isn’t hard at all, and explained to him about the polyamorous relationship he and I are in. I think that man got an education he hadn’t bargained for.
My partner told me that all the way home was thinking: “I can’t wait to tell Maria!” He said it was his best birthday ever.
I don’t think it was his best birthday because he was flattered by a lot of women, although that probably didn’t hurt 😉 ! I think it was his best birthday because he was able to spend time with a bunch of women that weren’t his partner, flirt, do some “dirty dancing”, and even get a goodnight kiss, with NO GUILT. He didn’t have to withhold anything from me, or feel like he had to bend the truth or lie about what happened. He could just be himself, enjoying the expression of his sexual feelings in ways that were natural and completely within the boundaries of our agreements with each other.
And his joy was absolutely contagious! I could feel his joy and his excitement in telling me all about his evening. And I was really, truly, ecstatic about it. In fact, I was so happy (and turned on) that afterward I couldn’t resist pleasuring myself, and the whole time I had a smile on my face, thinking of him having so much fun.
You’ve probably heard me say before that polyamory is challenging. On some days, I’ve even questioned whether it’s worth it. This is definitely not one of those days.
I am glad my partner encourages me to hang out with my female friends. She knows I am a flirt and likes many of my female friends so it is all good. My Ex would accuse me of things that weren’t even true and confront women that I had done nothing with. I found myself intentionally sneaking around which is not healthy for a relationship. Happy where I am at
Yes, thanks for mentioning this…a lot of people are in relationships similar to the one you described with your ex where almost any attention at all to the opposite sex is cause for conflict. Hopefully as we continue to evolve there will be less and less of that. And more and more of what you have with your current partner. Congratulations on raising the bar in a big way! 🙂
if you can’t have trust in a relationship it is practically doomed
Lots of people struggle with trust in their relationships, in one way or another. They can work on it and improve it over time, if they are willing. But yes if mistrust is a permanent state, I agree, pretty doomed.
I certainly agree with Chris, if we don’t have trust and also understanding, relationship is no good and will only collapse. Give and take and let go and forget should be also consider as sometimes, misunderstandings and little quarrel cannot be avoided.
Agreed. I also believe that the conflicts that come up in our relationships are what helps us grow and learn.