We Are “Those People”
The other night my partner and I decided to get dressed up and go out to dinner. There was a new restaurant we wanted to check out. We were seated in a lovely area at a table for four, with two seats on a bench and two at chairs across from the bench. At first, I sat in one of the chairs, knowing that my partner (like most men) likes his back against the wall, so he can keep an eye on everything from there. Soon after, I decided to join him on the bench. We will often sit this way when we go out to dinner, so that we can touch and kiss each (not make out) throughout the meal....
I’m Baaaack
I've been on "sabbatical" for a while. I haven't had a desire to write. Although, recently, I realized it's not because I truly do not have a desire to write. It's because I was having a competing desire to hide. To hide from being seen in the world. To hide from revealing such personal things to the whole world, while I'm doing amazing work like teaching women's workshops on female ejaculation. And doing individual sessions with women and couples in which I teach and perform G-spot massage which is life-changing for these women....
Naked Cuddling
You know how people have "staples" in their diet? Well, I have recently re-learned the benefits of what I highly, highly recommend as a daily staple in your relationship: naked cuddling.
First, although it may sound self-explanatory, allow me to elaborate on what daily naked cuddling is. It is literally getting fully naked with you partner and then lying down in a comfortable place together. Generally, my primary partner and I do it in bed, although it can be done on a couch, or on a blanket outdoors, or anywhere else you have the inclination and imagination to do it. And then cuddle. You can spoon, lie your head on each others chests, lightly touch or massage each other, or lie side by side...it doesn't matter how you do it, as long as there is skin to skin contact and you both are enjoying it. And I recommend doing this for a minimum of fifteen to twenty minutes at a time....
I Have to Tell You
I know many of you have been reading my blogs from the beginning of my primary relationship, which started over a year ago now, and were privy to every excruciating detail of the struggles I have had. It's my first real polyamorous relationship, and I/we had some issues to work through, such as jealousy, insecurities, transparency, and trust- the big stuff. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying I have "arrived" at a place of total peace and harmony in my relationship, and I am saying that I have made it over a huge hump! (Frankly, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no such thing as "arriving", in any area of life. As long as we are alive, there will always be more learning, transformation, and growth to be done.)
I haven't blogged about all the developments in our relationship yet, so let me give you the Reader's Digest version here:...
He Slept With “Jane”…
...and I am fine.
Some of you who have been following my blog right along already know who Jane is. She's the woman I gave the fake name to that my partner did some withholding about. That triggered the f*ck out of me for various reasons in the past.
Things had been quieter for a bit between her and my boyfriend, until they weren't again. And then one day, about a month ago, she came over to his house for a pre-planned date, and they had sex. And I decided to handle the whole thing differently this time....
The Big Projection
Do you know what projection is? Being a therapist and life coach, I see it often. It is the unconscious defense mechanism that people use when they take some part of themselves, project it onto someone else, and notice it in the other.
Lately, it's been coming to me more and more how much religion is based on projection. I will speak about this in terms of Christianity, which is the realm of religions I know best, having been raised Catholic.
Let's take a look at a few of these projections:...
On Female Bisexuality
Just the other day I had yet another conversation with a friend who said: "I used to think I was a lesbian." I can't tell you how many women my age have told me that same thing. And I can relate, because there was a period of time during which I thought I was a lesbian, too. What appears to be true about me all the women I know who've had this experience is that they are in fact bisexual, not lesbians. But back in the days when women my age were discovering their sexuality, bisexuality was much less talked about or acknowledged. It was either you were straight or you were gay....
My Latest Adventure, Part III
When I left off, my partner and I had just agreed to wait to talk again, as we had both been really angry the night before. The next morning we were both feeling ready to talk again. We created sacred space, and got to it. I won't bore you with the details, but we had another round of conversation, which in many ways was a repeat of the first one on this topic. Again, not realizing that I was still feeling like a victim, making him the villain, I thought we could resolve some things. Eventually, he told me that he felt he'd reached the limit of his ability to continue talking in a productive way, and we stopped. There was no rejoicing and no make-up sex, and he was leaving to go on a brief trip later that week....
The Purification of Swinging
Over the last year or so, having been involved in the "polyamory" community in the Boston, MA area, I have made some observations about the use of terms commonly used to describe non-monogamy. I have looked up some definitions (below) on Wikipedia, just so that we're all on the same page:
Non-monogamy- "a blanket term which covers several types of interpersonal relationships in which an individual forms multiple and simultaneous sexual or romantic bonds."
Polyamory- "the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
Swinging- "a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity."...
Here’s to More Skin!
Last week I got back from Spain. My daughter and I visited our exchange student and her mom, and while we were there we explored a bit of the country. We hit a number of beaches, both in Spain and in France (which was so nearby we couldn't resist going.)
It was my first "real" time out of the U.S. I had been to Canada and Mexico before, and to various tropical islands, but never to Europe. And I'll tell ya, I loved it! So much so that I think my daughter was offended by the number of times I pointed out all the things that were "better" in Spain than in America.
One of those things was the apparent comfort the Europeans have with their bodies. ...