I’ve Made A Big Decision….To Tell My Story!
And in some ways that is true – I HAVE been very transparent and posted blogs over the years about some very, very personal things!
But now, I’m talking about a whole other level of real-ness.
SENSITIVE TOPIC WARNING: I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT MY OWN TRAUMA WITHOUT GIVING ANY DETAILS. IF YOU KNOW YOURSELF TO BE SENSITIVE TO THIS, YOU MAY OPT NOT TO READ WHAT COMES NEXT.
I didn’t even know this about myself until about 4 years ago. I went to a weekend workshop that involved a lot of non-sexual nudity. Great, I thought, I’m all about it. I’ve always been very comfortable with nudity and in fact spend as much time as possible without clothes on, temperatures permitting.
There were exercises to be done in this workshop, with other people. One particular exercise was to be done in groups of four. There were two men and two women in my group. I won’t give any details about the exercise we were instructed to do. However, what I will say is that two of the other people in the group violated my stated “touch boundaries”. And I don’t mean once. It happened over and over. One of these participants was a man and one was a woman. They touched me in inappropriate places without my permission. I felt stunned and angry, and despite my verbal protests, I stayed in the exercise long enough to be really traumatized. Finally, I excused myself and asked to speak with one of the staff.
Now, I don’t know why these individuals did what they did. Poor boundaries, I suppose, is part of it. And at the same time, I can look back now and say that what happened to me at that workshop was a gift.
Later that day, I went to the bathroom, still feeling really shaky, and I couldn’t stop thinking about a memory from childhood which had always been kind of vague to me, and now I know why: I went through most of my life not knowing I had been sexually abused as a child. As a therapist, I KNEW I had many of the symptoms and tendencies of someone with a sexual abuse history; in fact, I had searched my memory banks for WHO could have been the perpetrator and ruled out the typical “suspects” in cases like this. I finally concluded that it must have been past life stuff that was “bleeding through” to this lifetime for me. I was wrong.
Why am I telling you all this? Because after I had these memories return, I got treatment. I did the trauma work with a therapist. I got certified in using the same trauma modality that worked for me. I healed, and over these last 4 years I’ve realized how MUCH my life had been affected by this unhealed trauma, without my even knowing it. Little by little, I tightened my own boundaries, learned how to trust MYSELF- that’s what trust is really all about. And I have created a life in which I feel safe, finally. And powerful. I am a sovereign woman who knows what she desires now and also knows that I deserve everything I want in my life. AND I WANT TO HELP OTHER WOMEN WHO’VE HAD THEIR BODIES, MINDS, AND SPIRITS VIOLATED TO TAKE BACK THEIR OWN POWER.
I have already guided dozens of others back to safety. IF MY STORY SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO YOU, and you’re tired of living this way, PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME for a free, confidential Connection Call. Click HERE to schedule a call.