Naked Cuddling
You know how people have "staples" in their diet? Well, I have recently re-learned the benefits of what I highly, highly recommend as a daily staple in your relationship: naked cuddling.
First, although it may sound self-explanatory, allow me to elaborate on what daily naked cuddling is. It is literally getting fully naked with you partner and then lying down in a comfortable place together. Generally, my primary partner and I do it in bed, although it can be done on a couch, or on a blanket outdoors, or anywhere else you have the inclination and imagination to do it. And then cuddle. You can spoon, lie your head on each others chests, lightly touch or massage each other, or lie side by side...it doesn't matter how you do it, as long as there is skin to skin contact and you both are enjoying it. And I recommend doing this for a minimum of fifteen to twenty minutes at a time....
I Have to Tell You, Part II
For those of you who have been waiting with bated breath :P for part II of my last blog, here it is:
The updates about my primary relationship are the following.
1. No sooner had I mentioned that no one ever "arrives" at any particular place in life, (this time referencing all the progress I'd made with my insecurity and jealousy in this poly relationship) than I had a "relapse". It wasn't as long or intense as the episodes in the past, and it did happen. Not a lot to say about that. In part, I think I created it due to my fear about the other relationship update, below.
2. We are moving in together! Yes, yes, I know, it's exciting, isn't it? Especially considering that I haven't lived with a partner since my divorce, over twelve years ago. (Think I've been a little scared about committing again?!) And, especially since my partner is possibly even more fearful than I am- he, in part because his divorce was less than a year ago. I know, we are brave souls. And, there are many factors that seemed to be pointing us in this direction- so we decided to go with the flow rather than swim against the tide. ...
I Have to Tell You
I know many of you have been reading my blogs from the beginning of my primary relationship, which started over a year ago now, and were privy to every excruciating detail of the struggles I have had. It's my first real polyamorous relationship, and I/we had some issues to work through, such as jealousy, insecurities, transparency, and trust- the big stuff. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying I have "arrived" at a place of total peace and harmony in my relationship, and I am saying that I have made it over a huge hump! (Frankly, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there's no such thing as "arriving", in any area of life. As long as we are alive, there will always be more learning, transformation, and growth to be done.)
I haven't blogged about all the developments in our relationship yet, so let me give you the Reader's Digest version here:...
A New Kind of Hangover
Typically, people think of hangovers as the thing that they get after drinking too much alcohol the night before. While of course that is a hangover, I have recently coined another new term. I call it the "monogamy hangover". That is the thing that people get after having too much monogamy. ;)
Okay, I'm kinda kidding about the "too much monogamy" thing. But you know me, I like to bring humor to these topics that so many of us find so serious, like S.E.X. and lifestyle choices!
What I really mean is this: a monogamy hangover is what happens after a person has been raised in a society that almost exclusively endorses monogamy as the "right" way to do relationships. ...
My Boyfriend’s Not a Shmuck…
...and poly doesn't suck.
It has come to my attention that a number of you, after reading my blogs in which I describe all the most painful moments of my primary relationship, have come to the conclusion that- well, basically, that my primary partner is a schmuck. While I don't actually care if anyone thinks that (I have come to the point in my life that as long as I know what's true, nothing else matters), I recently realized that I do care if:
1. My readers start assuming that because my boyfriend appears to be an asshole sometimes, that it is proof that polyamory doesn't work, or...
2. My readers start assuming that I have no credibility because I allow someone to treat me like sh*t, and therefore, why would they want to listen to anything I have to say?...
He Slept With “Jane”…
...and I am fine.
Some of you who have been following my blog right along already know who Jane is. She's the woman I gave the fake name to that my partner did some withholding about. That triggered the f*ck out of me for various reasons in the past.
Things had been quieter for a bit between her and my boyfriend, until they weren't again. And then one day, about a month ago, she came over to his house for a pre-planned date, and they had sex. And I decided to handle the whole thing differently this time....
My Latest Adventure, Part III
When I left off, my partner and I had just agreed to wait to talk again, as we had both been really angry the night before. The next morning we were both feeling ready to talk again. We created sacred space, and got to it. I won't bore you with the details, but we had another round of conversation, which in many ways was a repeat of the first one on this topic. Again, not realizing that I was still feeling like a victim, making him the villain, I thought we could resolve some things. Eventually, he told me that he felt he'd reached the limit of his ability to continue talking in a productive way, and we stopped. There was no rejoicing and no make-up sex, and he was leaving to go on a brief trip later that week....
My Latest Adventure, Part II
So there we were, still at this weekend event with tons of attractive women all around my partner, and I was trying my best to get un-triggered and get back to having fun. It wasn't long, though, before something else happened that brought up all my fears and insecurities again. And it was inevitable, because I was really not done processing this issue.
A woman I've never heard of before got my partner alone and invited him to walk outside with her . He was extremely flattered and happy about this, although he told her he couldn't. This was because I was already ...
My Latest Adventure
It's been a while since I've written about my latest adventures in polyamory .(Or should I say "hybrid non-monogamy"? Please read my last post called "The Purification of Swinging" for more info!) My primary partner and I had been moving along quite nicely with little to no drama (yay!)- until recently....
Let me set the scene for you, as it is important to the story. We were recently at a weekend event in which my boyfriend had a lot of responsibility. He wasn't really available for the usual amount of frolicking that we have been accustomed to enjoying together. During this very same weekend, it was as if there were a sign taped to him saying: "I'm hot, available, and interested in you!" And the women saw the sign. To the point that I more or less had to wait in line just to speak to my partner. And during two consecutive dinners, one of these women plopped herself down next to him (two different women on two different nights) and proceeded to chat him up....
The Purification of Swinging
Over the last year or so, having been involved in the "polyamory" community in the Boston, MA area, I have made some observations about the use of terms commonly used to describe non-monogamy. I have looked up some definitions (below) on Wikipedia, just so that we're all on the same page:
Non-monogamy- "a blanket term which covers several types of interpersonal relationships in which an individual forms multiple and simultaneous sexual or romantic bonds."
Polyamory- "the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."
Swinging- "a non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity."...