Cougars and Such

The topic of cougars keeps coming up in my life.  Some have said I am a cougar, although technically, I don't meet the full definition.   But cougars are not just women, either.   There are "man-cougars" too.  Let's start with the female cougars, though, since that seems to be the hot topic these days. A female cougar is a woman usually 40 years or older who exclusively pursues very young men, at least 10 years her junior, but typically  young enough to be her son.  So a cougar in her 40's would pursue a male partner in his 20's, a cougar in her 50's would ...

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When Sparks Don’t Fly

There comes a time in any long term relationship when sex is just not the same as it used to be.  One day, it seems you wake up, and you realize the sparks are not flying.  What happened to that feeling that you couldn’t wait to be with the other person?  What happened to those butterflies in your stomach?  Or, depending on how far along this path you are, what happened to your sex drive altogether? Many people, at this point, assume that it is over.  You tell yourself you have fallen out of love with your partner.  You may decide to leave the relationship, or ...

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Cycles in Relationships

All of life is based on cycles.  If you really think about it, it’s true.  The days and nights, the growth cycle of plants, the seasons, the tides, a woman’s menstrual cycle.  Women in general seem to be more in tune with the cycles of life.  They tend to go with the flow, and bring themselves into harmony with what is more easily than men.  No judgment here.  Just stating what is.  And as always, I’m talking in general.  Of course there are exceptions to every rule. So how come, if this is true about cycles, that all of life is based on them, we seem to ...

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Sympathy Sex

Many of us are, unfortunately, familiar with it, especially if we’ve been married.  Sympathy sex, as it’s called, is the sex that we have out of a feeling of obligation to our partners.  We have sympathy for their desire to have sex, even when we don’t want to, so we give in. It’s also sometimes called “taking one for team”.  I don’t recommend it, both for the sake of your personal well being and the well being of your relationship. Some of you may be aware that in the “old days” men literally bought women on auction. What most people don’t ...

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Choosing “The Path Less Traveled”

Last week I blogged about whether you might be a “polymamorist”.  Others choose what’s known as “swinging” over polyamory, which is having more than one sexual partner, without the relationship/love component. If you’ve been thinking about either option in your partnership, you should know that opening up a relationship that has been “closed” is a complicated task.  You don’t just talk about it once, say “well, glad that’s done”, and be on your merry way to multi-partnered bliss.  No, it’s more like having that talk about sex with your child ...

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You Might be a Polyamorist IF…

No, this is not like one of those jokes about rednecks. (“you might be a redneck IF”...).  I’m serious.  Polyamory is a word that was invented in the 90's to describe the practice of having a romantic relationship with more than one person at a time.  Why would anyone choose to be polyamorous in the first place, and is it something you’d like to pursue yourself? To give a few ideas, you may want to explore polyamory if: -Monogamy has always felt unnatural for you. -You want to be able to act on the deep attractions that come up for other people, not ...

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Parting on Good Terms

It occurs to me lately that most of us have a great deal of trouble, once we realize that a relationship is over, leaving on good terms.  It is as if we get amnesia for all the good things about our partners, all the reasons we were together in the first place, and only remember what is supposedly “wrong” with that person and why the breakup is occurring.  It may be a six month relationship, or it may be a twenty year marriage. It doesn’t matter.  It is still important, and absolutely possible, to patch things up before you depart. Here are some important ...

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Monogamy Revisited

Okay, so here’s the deal.  I am not perfect.  You’re really surprised by that, aren’t you? I am actually a work in progress, just like all of you and as such I may change my ideas about things from time to time, as I am about to do right now. In a previous blog, I made an argument that we, as human beings, are not meant to be monogamous.  Well, I have since found out more information on that. As some of you know, I am frequently exposed to channeling during our Sunday “meditation group”.  We call it the meditation group, but that’s just to make ourselves ...

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Soulmates and Twin Flames Defined

In our mainstream culture, many people believe that a soulmate is that one person on the planet that they’re destined to be with, romantically speaking.  They meet someone and believe that person is their soulmate. At long last they have found the one.  But then it doesn’t work out, in most cases, and they meet someone else.  They were wrong.  The first person wasn’t their soulmate, this person is.  Sound familiar? Well, I have good news and bad news about this.  Most of the time, finding that one person, inheriting a castle, and living happily ever after ...

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Soul Linking

Last week I wrote about accepting your partner, listening to him or her with an open heart and an open mind.  Well, I realize sometimes that works better than others.  Sometimes our egos still get in the way, try as we might to work things out. Fortunately for us, we have more than the ego and the personality to work with.  We are all made up of three parts- mind, body, and spirit (or soul).  Whether it be with your partner, or in any other type of relationship, if the mind is not getting the job done, perhaps you can try soul linking. Soul linking is a process ...

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