“Baggage”- How Much is too Much?

Let’s imagine you start dating a new man or woman, and based on things you are finding out, you start to ask yourself the age-old question: Does the person have too much”baggage”?  In my opinion, the answer is: it depends.  Everyone has some baggage.  I don’t care who you’re talking about.  At least one “bad” thing happened in everyone’s childhood, and everyone has had at least one negative experience in a romantic relationship.  So, if you’re looking for someone who has no baggage, go back to fairytale land and find Cinderella.  Oh, no, wait. Her mother died and she had an evil stepmother!  See what I mean?

If you’ve accepted that the person’s background is not going to be perfect, period, you may still be wondering:   how much is too much when it comes to baggage?  I’m about to make a bold statement here.  There is no such thing as too much, depending on how the person handled it.  Here are the good signs to look for, now matter how sordid their past:

1.  They appear to have learned from the experience.  Although he or she may have had some rocky roads in the past, they clearly have the ability to learn from it.  They have changed the way they relate to others and the world, for the better, as  a result.

2.  They are introspective.  By that I mean, they either sought professional help to learn more about their problems and how they can create a better life in the future, or they have done this work on their own through things like reading and talking to friends.

3.   They have an internal “locus of control”.   This means that the person carries the belief that they are basically the creator of their own life.  (The opposite would be someone who sees themselves as a victim.)

4.   They have a bright outlook for the future.  In other words, even though these negative experiences have happened in their  life, they have  not lost hope or the belief that having a healthy, happy relationship and life is still within reach.