Embracing “Imperfectionism”

It has been years that I have been working on becoming a “perfectionist in recovery”- a former perfectionist who has loosened things up a bit, who recognizes it is okay for me to be less than perfect, and it doesn’t mean that I am unlovable.  It means that I am human.  The more I worked toward that goal, the less fault I would find with others, too.  It’s a package deal; the way we feel about ourselves is the way we feel about others.

I can’t say I understand what tipped the balance for me.  Maybe it was the little steps toward more and more self-love I have taken over the years.  The commitment to regular meditation and exercise, to healthy eating, and all the other self-care I engage in.  Maybe it was the trauma work I have done, to let go of the beliefs-way down deep at the cellular level- that I was bad because “bad” things had happened to me.  Maybe it was the reminding myself over and over, the giving to myself of the cognitive therapy I do with my clients that it is okay not to be perfect.  Or, maybe, and this is most likely, it was a combination of all of the above, plus more.

All I know is that it SEEMS like all of a sudden, I can see so much more clearly that it’s all okay.  That my mistakes and imperfections are okay, and so are those of everyone else.  I have known it for a long time.  Now I FEEL it.  Big difference.

So much so that, yes, I invented another word:  Imperfectionism (n.)- a tendency to see the perfection in all that is imperfect, with loving acceptance.

The house cleaner never really gets the tub totally clean?  So what?  Does anyone?  And, if they did, how much extra work would it take, and why does it matter?  And how much extra energy of mine does it take for me to try to micromanage her?

There’s still a pile of things on my desk that I didn’t get to yesterday?  That’s life.  I am NOT perfect.  I have enough self-compassion not to force myself to do things now that I don’t have the energy and bandwidth to do in a day’s work.  I can put things in perspective more easily.  How important, in the big picture, is most of that stuff anyway? What will happen if i do it tomorrow, or next week, instead of today?  Realistically, not much in life is that vital.

I wonder, now, if it is perimenopause that has helped me come to a new place of comfort with imperfection?

There is so much opportunity to embrace imperfection there!  I have been reading up on it:  I will likely continue to lose hair on the top of my head.  But not to worry, because it will turn up in the form of a mustache and/or chest hair.  I will get more wrinkles on my face, yet I will have the YOUTHFUL appearance of adult acne.  I will have more and more instances of brain fog and poor memory, but really, it’s okay because it helps me forget all the unwanted things that are happening to my body.  😉 And truly, how important is all that stuff anyway?

Just TRY being perfect during perimenopause!  Maybe I just decided to give up, which is a good thing, for me and all of us.  (By the way, anyone who has ever doubted that God/dess has a sense of humor doesn’t know perimenopause!)

I don’t want to give you the impression that imperfectionism means lowering my standards on things that are important to me.  For example, my tattoo artist has left a few spots where I can still see the old tattoo he covered up, with no mention of it and apparently no plan to fix that.  Hmmmm.  I was able to have a very loving attitude toward his “imperfection” in the process, and mine in co-creating that with him.  AND, it does not feel okay to me to leave it that way.  I will talk to him and make sure the tattoo, in the end, looks just how I imagined it looking, which does not include places where the old tattoo still shows through.

Imperfectionism, to me, is also NOT an excuse to do a half-assed job on things that matter to me and not give a crap. That’s just plain lazy and apathetic, and I am far from both of those!

And, having said all that, I dream of a world where there are more imperfectionists than perfectionists.  Where I and we have a loving and compassionate attitude toward ourselves and others, yet do not lower our standards on the important stuff in life, or stop taking pride in ourselves and the work we do…doesn’t that sound lovely?  And I know it is completely doable, one imperfect step at a time….