Self-Love at it’s Best
What if you were making love to someone really special? Would you put extra care into things like the room you were making love in, the atmosphere, your personal hygiene?
Well, what if you did that all “just” for yourself? Plan some self-pleasuring time. Make it luxuriously expansive, like say set two hours aside for it. Prepare yourself by bathing or showering, shaving, whatever you would normally do to prepare for a hot date. Put on some lotion, perfume, or cologne to make yourself smell really good too. Have the room you choose to use ready ahead of time. Tidy it up. Get some lube and put it in an easily accessible place. Put some music on if you like. Perhaps buy yourself some flowers, or chocolates, (men like these things too) burn a candle or two, maybe some sage or incense to purify the energy. Create a sacred space for your self love. Shut all your electronic devices off so you won’t be disturbed. Remember, make it just the way you would want it to be with a partner, only this time the partner is you.
Start with some sensate focus touch. Sensate focus is a term originally coined by the famous sex researchers, Masters and Johnson. The technique was developed to help couples with intimacy problems become more aware of the needs of themselves and others through focusing on the sensual experience. It is not designed to turn anyone on. And it’s still a lovely thing to do for yourself and a great precursor (self-foreplay, if you will) for the main self-pleasuring event.
Lie down naked on your back. Start with some sensate focus touch at the top of your head. Gently run your fingertips from the top of your head down to your neck. Do it several times and extend the touch to your upper chest. Continue on in this way, very slowly, focusing on the texture of your skin and hair, felt with your fingertips, and the sensations you are experiencing in the rest of your body as a result of the self-touch. Touch yourself with love. Put all the love into the touching of yourself that you would with your most perfect and beautiful lover. Make your way down your entire body this way, not skipping anything, but not lingering anywhere either. I know there will be places it’s tempting to linger, but wait! Go slowly all the way down to your toes. (You may want to bend your knees for this part temporarily so you can maintain your reclining position.) Now revisit the parts that want more touch-perhaps your breasts (if you have them), nipples, belly button, until you get back to your genitals.
Time to break out the lube. Very slowly and gently rub a generous amount of lube all over your genitals. Allow yourself to do this in a sensate focus way as well, just for now observing what your body feels like under your fingertips, as if touching yourself for the first time, and noticing the sensations of that experience. Slowly play with increasing sensation by varying the speed, rhythm, and pressure of your self-loving. If you feel like you are getting close to orgasm, perhaps slow down a bit, temporarily. You are not in any hurry. Or stop touching yourself there altogether for a moment. Let the pleasure build this way. Again, keep in mind that you are loving yourself through this act. Orgasm is not necessarily the goal. You may or may not orgasm. Some people I know have never had an orgasm by themselves. Others have never had an orgasm period. Orgasm, as delicious as it is, is not essential for self-loving.
When you are done, lie back and bask in the glow of your love of yourself. Appreciate yourself for being you and for being willing to love yourself in this way. Sigh. Eat a chocolate.