I’m an Expert Already

Yeah, I’ve been on a dating site for one week, and I already have some advice for people making profiles on dating sites, and interacting on there.  I’m a quick study, what can I say?

Here are my thoughts:

1. Be honest…yet not TOO honest, right out of the gates.  For example, if you tried to kill yourself once and it didn’t work, probably don’t put that in your profile. (True story, just read a profile that said that.)  Sure, talk about it at some point- not on the first date either- it just doesn’t have it be the first thing people know about you.  If I had happened to go on some dates with you, and experienced that you are a reasonably happy, well-adjusted person, and THEN you told me- mostly likely no big deal.  On the profile page?  Kind of a big deal.  Timing AND good boundaries are everything.

2.  It’s possible to be honest and still appealing.  Have some discretion.  There’s a question on my profile about the six things I couldn’t live without.  I was thinking about it yesterday, and honestly, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t live without hand cream OR chapstick.  I didn’t even think of those when I wrote my profile.  And that’s not really a bad thing.  Being addicted to chapstick and hand cream?  Just plain weird, I know.  And not in a sexy way.  😉

3.  If you lead with “I love your profile”, make sure you have actually READ the profile.  Back in the day when I was a dancer, we were required to have accounts on Myspace to entice prospective customers into the club.  (Never worked, by the way.  It was a bait and switch.  Read: dishonest.)  Then, I knew without a doubt that if a guy said he loved my profile, he was absolutely lying- I didn’t HAVE a profile!  Now, I am still pretty darn sure that if you say you loved my profile, yet when I read yours we are complete opposites…you are also lying.  It’s okay to admit you find me (or him, or her) attractive.  I assume that’s a prerequisite for dating.  If, however, all you CARE about is how I look (aka, all you care about is getting in my pants), then clearly you are not for me- or him, or her!  Do not insult us by going with that one…would you really want to date someone that dumb anyway?  Oh yeah, I almost forgot…you don’t care!

4.  Which leads me to…if what you really want is casual sex, then just say that.   There’s no shame in it.  And believe me, there are others out there who want that too.  Make it easier for them to find you.

5.  If you express interest in someone on a dating site and that person does not respond, that’s “code” for not interested.  If the object of your desire does not respond to your message, move on.  Sending yet another message- or two- tends to annoy me, and I’ll bet I am not alone in that.  People who are annoyed by you do not, now especially, want to date you!  Persistence pays, yes, as a rule.  Not in this case.

6.  Most people of my age do not require a lot of small talk. By now, most of us have done dating a few (hundred) times and know what we want and what we like.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Yet in general:  just cut to the chase.  We do not need to chat with you ad nauseam about inane things in order to know if we would like to meet you.  If you are not a person that we would like to know, regardless of attraction, then chances are we will not be talking to you in the first place.

What do you think?  Do you agree/disagree?  Do you have other tips for would-be online daters out there?  I’d love to hear from you!

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