Friends With Benefits: Are They Beneficial? (Part II)

As promised, below is the actual email I sent to my friend with benefits at the end of our time together (minus his real name- I’ll call him “Steve”).  I think it is a great stand-alone statement about how friends with benefits can be so much deeper than it seems.  I know I am grateful for the experience, personally.  Here it is:

Hi Steve,

You didn’t do anything wrong.  Your not responding to me the other night and how foolish I felt about writing to you and not getting a response really was my issue.  I had told you I was going to give you some space, and I had really meant it.  And then there I was writing to you again.

So it made me realize that the whole thing with us just wasn’t working out for me.  I got way too interested in you and when you didn’t reciprocate I made up all kinds of stories in my head about why that was: I wasn’t pretty enough, sexy enough, young enough, blah blah blah.  In fact, none of it really had to do with you at all.  It had to do with my need to realize for the last time that I don’t need to get validation from anyone else.  So I separated myself from you so I could give myself all the love, acceptance, and reassurance that I was trying to get from you.  

The whole time I felt kind of crazy because the grown up me already knows I am completely lovable in every way.  But there was a little girl  inside me whose Dad unexpectedly had to leave for a while when she was about 6, and she thought it was somehow because she wasn’t enough.  And she was wrong.  But for whatever reason she felt safe enough to come out with you, and to be ready to receive the ultimate healing that she needed.

So I am not mad at you Steve.  Actually I thank you for all the growth and learning and fun you have helped me create in the last couple months.  More than you can ever know.

If you and I had met in some other time in our lives, or in some other dimension 😉 perhaps we would have created an amazing relationship.  And for what it’s worth, some parts of this were pretty damn amazing for me.

I am sorry for doing it so abruptly and without explanation.  I felt like I was about to emotionally go down over it, and like I had to stop myself from drowning. When I make those kind of clear decisions, I am usually pretty snappy about it, kind of like when I made the decision to get involved with you in the first place.

I am seeing you creating exactly what you want in the future, and making all your dreams come true.

Believe me, I will miss certain things that we did together (ok, a lot) 🙂 but nothing is worth losing myself over.

In peace and love,

Maria

P.S. You are invited to write back to me about this, but I promise that if you choose not to, I will make it about your choice and not about my worthiness.

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