Falling in Love….
…with yourself. Is best done slowly and gradually.
Think about it. You meet someone new. You fall in love quickly, or at least “convince yourself” that you are in love. Versus….you meet someone new. And savor the process of getting to know this person. And falling in love. And then you continually find new things to love about this person. Which scenario will result in more joy for you? The second one, right?
Well, what if the person you were falling in love with was yourself? Which I highly, highly recommend, in case I haven’t said it a thousand times already. 😉
This morning I was walking around my house (naked, of course) and when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, I immediately go a big rush of love for myself. And it occurred to me, it has taken me a long time to get to that place. Years, in fact.
And to be clear, I’m not trying to say I have “arrived” at a perfect place of self-love. Don’t let anyone tell you differently: there is no such thing.
Just three days ago, I saw myself in a mirror and had an immediate feeling of self-loathing come up. That hasn’t happened in a long time, and it still happens, apparently. I don’t even know what it was about, exactly, but it seemed somehow vaguely connected to my family of origin. Whether conscious or unconscious, that is usually the source- our families, our parents. I’m not parent-bashing here. Honestly, it is our parents’ job to f*ck us up! That’s what we chose them for. So that we could forget who we really are (blatant hint: you are a Divine being, a sacred soul within a physical body, you are Love) and spend part of our lives remembering and the rest spreading that unconditional love that we’ve given to ourselves- to others.
Don’t expect this to be a quick process, falling in love with yourself. It will feel like one step forward and two steps back sometimes. And that is okay. And it’s normal. It’s part of learning to love ourselves to have patience and compassion for ourselves. loving your
One of the things that has assisted me in my personal process is discovering that, just like with loving another, a large part of it is doing. It’s not reading books about loving yourself. It’s not sitting on the couch waiting to “arrive”. It’s treating yourself like someone you love. It’s taking those actions. Little by little, step by step. Day by day. Ask yourself this: how would I treat someone I really loved? Would I put that person down? Both in my head and out loud? Would I feed them crappy food? Would I give them excessive amounts of alcohol and brain-damaging drugs? Would I deprive them of sleep? Would I deprive them of exercise?
Figure out how you would treat someone you really loved, and then start treating yourself that way!
I don’t want to over-simplify this. There are certainly times when hiring a coach or therapist can help in this process, especially when trauma is in your past. And, technically, who hasn’t been traumatized by something?
The important thing is to forgive yourself when you catch yourself being mean to yourself again in some way. And to keep going. To recommit, over and over, to loving yourself. As you do,you will feel more confident and better able to handle the “somethings” that happen in life. And you will expand in love and joy.