Can we Really Fall Out of Love?

As with most things in life, the answer is complicated.  It is no.  And, yes.  Let me explain.

First of all, I believe we generally think we have the experience of  falling in and then falling out of love.  But, is that how it truly works?  The verb “falling” seems to connotate an experience that is out of our control, as if we are at the effect of something.  As in, the other person is so alluring (and later so disgusting) that we fall.  It sounds out of our control.  And yet, we already know that we create everthing.  So, clearly it is not out of our control.  Also, we already know that we are all already in love with every other human being on the planet (we know all of this from reading my past blogs, of course ;)).  So it’s not that when we meet someone, we go from a state of not being in love with them, to being in love with them, and back again.  What, then, really does happen?

We create the experience of meeting someone.  Remember, everything happens for a reason.  Our souls choose to meet each other for a particular bit of learning or growth in this lifetime.  Or, a whole heapload of it, whatever the case may be.  More happens in some relationships than others.

We create the experience of “falling in love”.  This may feel like it happens instantaneously, as in “love at first sight”.  Yes, there really is such a thing.  I have experienced it.  Or, we create the experience of feeling like it is a gradual process to fall in love with someone.  The second in probably more common.  Mainly because most people don’t believe in love at first sight.  It sounds too risky to them.  Or, they think it is similar to a unicorn, something they have heard of that is fun to imagine, but isn’t “reality”.  People cannot create an experience that at least a small part of themselves believes is possible.

Then the relationship happens.  It may be long or short, smooth or tumultuous, boring or exciting, or everything in between.  You know the drill.

And then comes the day when we start to realize our partner is not perfect, and conflict occurs.  This usually occurs after those lust horomones that are present at the beginning of a relationshp wear off.  And this is where things can get interesting.  (Not to say that having sex five or six times a day was not interesting, it certainly was, AND, it was not all we created the relationship to experience!)  This is actually the big opportunity to heal some of our core wounds, through working this sutff through.  Generally, if we choose to do the work instead of blaming our partners for their imperfections and deciding to dump them, we will hold onto or at least rekindle that in love feeling for a longer period of time.  If not, things may sour quickly and we will then be committed to long term suffering or moving on.  In either case, the relationship will probably not last forever.  Most don’t.  And that doesn’t mean things have not gone according to our souls’ intentions.

What is at play in the fault finding, hostility, and disgust that gets created is the ego.  That’s what makes it appear to us that we have fallen out of love.  And in all cases, not just in relationships, the answer, if we want to have less ego involved, is letting it go.  Getting quiet, looking inside ourselves, and consciously choosing to let it go.  No matter what happens in the actual physical relationship, we still love and are in love with all of our parntners, whether we are with them or not.  In that sense, any type of negative emotion that we may still be hanging on to is nothing more than an illusion.  Have you ever heard the expression “only love is real”?  That expression happened for a reason too! ♥