Are You in a Sexless Relationship?

Are YOU in a sexless marriage or relationship?  Experts define “sexless” as having sex less than once a month, or no more than 10x a year.  

There are a number of common reasons that couples’ relationships can become sexless over time.  Some of the most common are lack of communication, one partner being neglectful of the others’ needs, or special circumstances such as illness. 

Regardless of the reason, if you ARE in a sexless relationship, does it bother you?  There are some couples who are perfectly happy being in a sexless relationship.  And if you are one of them, well then I guess you have more time for other things. 😉

However, statistics show that the majority of those in a sexless relationship rate themselves as being unhappy in it.

What should you know about this?  Well, it’s helpful to know that first of all you’re not alone. There are literally millions of others in the U.S. experiencing a similar problem.

You will also be happy to know that many couples go through a period of lowered sexual engagement at some point in their relationship.   

The most important thing to know is that in most cases this situation can be reversed.  But it takes some motivation and commitment.  Seeking professional help is usually a good step to take, unless this is a very recent issue for the two of you, and you both feel confident that things will shift. 

Otherwise, it’s advisable to enlist the help of a coach or therapist (or both, like me).  This gets the reality of what’s happening out on the table.   Sexless relationships tend to be shrouded in shame, and because of that often the couple avoids discussing the problem- which in turn, only perpetuates it.  And the antidote to shame is shedding some light on the subject.  

Making a commitment to do some work with a professional can start to set solutions in motion even before the first session.  Committing the resources (time, money) necessary to shift the issue in and of itself creates powerful momentum for change.  It’s like declaring to the Universe that you are upgrading, and that’s that.  

Want to get your spark back again but have no idea how to even broach the subject?  Here’s what I suggest, and this is useful for ANY difficult conversation in your life.  
Step 1- Set up a mutually agreed upon time to talk to your partner ahead of time, don’t spring it on them.
Step 2- Set the stage.  Spend some time alone doing some breathing and/or meditating ahead of time, to put yourself in the frame of mind most conducive to a successful conversation.
Step 3- Make sure you will not be uninterrupted; shut off phones or silence them, turn off all electronics, don’t be in charge of childcare (or at least wait until kids are sleeping).
Step 4- Say something positive about the relationship; for example express your love for your partner.
Step 5- Express how you feel about the current situation; for example, “I feel sad that we don’t have much sex anymore”.
Step 6- Hear how your partner is feeling about it. 
Step 7- Say another positive thing; for example, “We have a great relationship in so many other ways.  I don’t want this to ruin it.”
Step 8- Make a request; ie., “I understand the best way to handle this is to go to a professional who knows how to help us get that spark back.  Would you be willing to do that with me?”

I hope this is helpful!

REMEMBER, If you feel less CONNECTED than you’d like with yourself, the Divine, or your Beloved, and desire to live a life of connection on all 3 levels beyond what’s been possible for you before, I invite you to sign up for a free CONNECTION CALL with me.  During this call, we will talk about your current challenge- where you are and where you want to be, lay out a plan to get you there, and then we’ll discuss whether we’re a good fit to work together.  Even if we decide no, I will give you a referral or tool to point you in the direction of your own personal “brand new day.”  Schedule a free, 45 minute Connection Call HERE.

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