You Might be a Polyamorist IF…

No, this is not like one of those jokes about rednecks. (“you might be a redneck IF”…).  I’m serious.  Polyamory is a word that was invented in the 90’s to describe the practice of having a romantic relationship with more than one person at a time.  Why would anyone choose to be polyamorous in the first place, and is it something you’d like to pursue yourself?

To give a few ideas, you may want to explore polyamory if:

-Monogamy has always felt unnatural for you.

-You want to be able to act on the deep attractions that come up for other people, not just your partner.

-You want to explore and enjoy your sexuality and your capacity for love to the highest extent possible.

-You believe it is entirely possible for you and your partner to love each other AND love others too.

-You have a fundamental belief in the abundance of love, so you know that when you express love for one, it does not take away love from another.

-You realize that, no matter how much you and your partner get from each other, it’s unlikely you will ever be able to fulfill ALL of each other’s sexual and relationship needs.

-You and your partner love each other and want to continue to be a couple; however there is a very real barrier right now, such as living in different parts of the world or one partner being so ill that sex is not viable.

-You are up for the challenge that being a polyamorist poses, which includes having impeccable communication skills, a willingness to be transparent in all your relationships, and a deep ability to trust.

-You realize that, after all, you don’t need a reason to do something that you want to do that feels good to you (regardless of what society tells you)!

A few thoughts on why you might NOT want to choose an open relationship:

-The truth is, you only want to do it to avoid intimacy.

-You think it will “save” your relationship, which is on the rocks.  While open relationships can and do improve the primary relationship, it is not a cure all that will magically make your relationship issues disappear; in fact, if this is the case it will probably make things worse.

-Your motivation for doing it is that your partner wants to and you fear you will lose her or him if you don’t.

4 Replies to "You Might be a Polyamorist IF..."

  • Chris
    February 3, 2012 (8:19 pm)

    things are getting clearer

    • Maria Merloni
      February 3, 2012 (9:26 pm)

      Hmmm, glad to hear that! 🙂

  • Mayang
    February 28, 2012 (11:28 pm)

    I am still learning what polyamory is. I like what I’ve learned so far.

    • Ronald
      March 17, 2012 (1:29 am)

      This belief is rteood in the idea that a woman who has too high a notch count is damaged goods This is a very, very Sex 2.0 concept called the madonna-whore syndrome and one I assume that you don’t enjoy being on the receiving end of. After all, what women likes to live with the fear of being labelled a slut?It is rteood in the regulation of women’s sexual freedom on order to allow men to properly determine and establish lines of heritage in a Sex 2.0 world.This method is flawed in several fundamental ways :1) It is violently coercive brutal and violent beatings and deaths happen every single day. Sexual relationships are founded and die on the rocks of jealousy and possessiveness.2) It leads to a Sex 2.0 design that has fear at its very core. Sex 2.0 is a fear based design for both men and women. For men? Fear that they might be cuckolded into raising somebody else’s child? For women? Fear of being labelled a slut or having a sexual notch count that is so high that her perceived sexual market value is damaged.If you are going to design a sexual blueprint for modern sexuality, having fear at the core of its design is just a recipe for misery. Shouldn’t love be at the core of the design and not fear?3) Despite the violent coercion and the fear, its not even accurate in terms of determining lines of heritage. Cases of what are politely described as paternal anomalies (guess what? your daddy is not your real daddy) run to about 20%.DNA based paternity testing has since been invented which does the same thing with greater than 99.9% accuracy.Conclusion? Time for sex 2.0 to die.