The Season of Giving
The holiday season is upon us, and this year I am thinking about giving. Not the kind of obligatory giving that we have probably all done. The kind of giving that comes from a genuine impulse to give. Have you ever thought about that?
A few years back, I noticed that when I would let someone go in traffic, and the person did not acknowledge it and thank me by waving, I would get mad. And then I thought to myself: “Well, why am I doing it in the first place? So that someone will thank me?”
I realized I didn’t actually want to do it; it was just a thing I did “to be nice”. Except being nice isn’t really being nice when it’s not genuine.
So I stopped doing it for a while. Now, occasionally, I let someone go when I actually want to, and I barely notice whether the person waves to me or not. I don’t have to check. My joy in giving is not dependent on whether the recipient is appreciative or not.
My old way of letting someone go in traffic was part of a whole unhealthy dynamic called co-dependence. Yes, it is possible to be co-dependent with a stranger, apparently. ; ) My definition of co-dependence is when I make my happiness dependent on the other person responding to me in a certain way, or when I allow my mood to be dictated by that of someone else. And really when I/you think about it, that feels kind of icky, right?
“Giving” can be many things. Which is part of my point in telling that little story. We hear it all the time. The holidays have gotten so material, bla, bla, bla. It’s true, of course. And, giving CAN be as simple as letting someone go in traffic, or smiling at them at the post office, or holding the door for them. Of course, it can also be giving of material things, or one’s time, or attention, or services- for example, child care.
Giving can happen any time of year, and doesn’t have to coincide with someone’s birthday, or (in the case of Christmas), Jesus’ fake birthday. (My sources tell me the real birthday of Jesus was Cinco De Mayo, MUCH more fitting!)
My invitation to myself and to you this holiday season is to spend some quiet time reflecting on giving. What do you want to give, if anything? To whom do you want to give? And why? If it is so the person won’t be mad at you, or because you like others to appreciate you for your generosity, perhaps reconsider if this is something you really want to give.
Oh, and lest we forget, there is also giving to OURSELVES. Why just today, I decided to purchase a set of hand-blown glasses. They’re kind of expensive, as these things usually are. And I thought quickly to justify the purchase by saying that it was a present to me, from me, for my upcoming 50th birthday.
And there I go. “Teaching” a lesson that is also for myself. (Don’t tell anyone, ALL my “teaching” is for myself AND all of you.) I don’t NEED an excuse to give to myself. I can do it just ’cause I want to, because it will bring me joy to do it.
And I guess that, my dears, is today’s message: What if we all just gave for the joy of it and for no other reason?