Can Loss Be A Gift?

Last Saturday I was about to give a 3 hour Sacred Lingam Massage workshop, so I went to get my nails and toes done beforehand.  While I was waiting for my nails to dry, I got a phone call from a number right in town.  I knew there were no workshop participants from Milton, so I let it go to voicemail.  

I later found out it was the Animal Control Officer.  You probably know where I’m going here.  I called her back and she told me that our beloved kitten who hadn’t even had a chance to turn one yet had been found dead in the neighbor’s yard.  It was shocking at first and I felt kind of numb.  But before I got home, the tears had started.  And I had to tell my partner.  And then, in less than an hour’s time, we were to be getting online to do a virtual workshop that would last three hours.  How was I going to be able pull this off, I wondered?

I got right on my phone and texted a few friends, asking for reiki to be sent and for support.  One very wise friend told me it was okay to be exactly where I was, and also that this occurrence was FOR me, in other words would be of benefit to me.

After the introductions, I figured that part of being exactly where I was would include walking my own talk.  I told the participants of the news my partner and I had just received.  And do you know what?  I think it actually made the workshop more powerful.  It put all of us right in our hearts very early on.  

The workshop was very successful, and I have a bunch more couples interested in continuing the learning, which is the best possible outcome.

We had planned to go out to a nice restaurant afterward, and we didn’t let the sad news stop us.  Good thing we were sitting in a private booth, because I could barely stop crying through the whole dinner.  (But it didn’t take my appetite away; we stayed right through dessert!) 

The next day I was very sad again.  I cried a lot.  I don’t remember ever having been so sad about a pet dying.  We buried her on the third day and had a funeral with just the two (three) of us.

I’m still sad, and I’m mostly okay.  I tend to do grief like that; just let it come pouring out, and it doesn’t feel so bad after a few days.

I got a reading from an animal psychic, but by the time the message came through, I already knew almost everything in it.  

This experience of love and loss was meant to be just how it was.  It wasn’t an “accident” that caused our baby to die.  Well, it WAS an accident, but it was always the plan.  And grieving the loss of Gracious helped me grieve the loss of other pets I had lost but had never fully grieved.  

Probably the biggest takeaway for me was being reminded of just how precious love is.  Make no mistake about it, love for and from a pet is real.  And since Saturday, I have been more tuned in to just how much I love my partner.  This loss has brought us even closer.  I have said many times how important it is not to take our relationship for granted.  But now there’s new meaning to that.  

And we got a new baby already.  The opportunity came up to get a kitten from the same breeder as Gracious so it’s at least her half-sibling.  This time it’s a boy.  And I am SO present to the gift that he is.  I am SO present to the love that he brings.  I am appreciating each tiny moment with him, and taking LOTS of pictures.

I hope that I will always be as present to love as I am today.  I hope that I will always realize just how lucky I am for all the love I have in my life, with my partner, our cat, my daughter, and so many others.  And I wish the same for you.  Love is precious. Don’t let a day pass without feeling grateful for it.

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