What I’ve Always Wanted
Here’s some exciting news: I’ve given myself an early Christmas present, and it’s just what I’ve always wanted! And I didn’t even know I was going to give it to myself! And, for most of my life, I didn’t even know I wanted it. And I do. Okay, I’ll stop being such a tease (it’s not my nature, really; generally, I put out ;)). Here it is- I am in a poly relationship! (From Wikipedia: Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning “many” or “several”, and Latin amor, “love“) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.)
For those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning, you’ll remember my blogging about alternative lifestyles- polyamory, swinging, and the like. Mostly, I’ve been in monogamous relationships in my life. A few times I have been in poly type situations, but none of that was the real deal, in the sense that either I or my partner’s heart wasn’t really in it at the time. Then a couple years ago, I realized I wanted this. And so I communicated that to my partner at the time. That didn’t go so well. He said something to the effect of: “Yes, let’s do it”, but what he really meant was: “I really want to be monogamous, but I’m afraid if I say no, I’ll lose you.” This kind of arrangement doesn’t work, obviously. And, in addition, it can be challenging to turn a monogamous relationship in to a poly one, in general.
So here’s what happened. After my last relationship ended, I had a long period of grieving and lots of other unpleasant sh*t I had to deal with. I knew I was in no way ready to start a new relationship. (Thus, my “friends with benefits” blogs.) Over last summer, I had joined an online poly group, as I had learned there were some big ones in the Boston area, and that’s not too far from me. I noticed I was very reluctant to start getting involved with these people. I went a month or two without ever reading one thing from them. Then, finally, I asked a poly friend of mine to join me to attend a large party someone in the group was hosting. We went together, and did not know a soul there. At one point we were standing outside talking in a group of people and this really cute guy showed up. I remember his eyes. I could not stop looking at those beautiful, blue eyes. Okay, maybe I was staring…and then it started pouring, we all ran in the house, our “group” broke up, and I really never saw him again that night. Frankly, I kinda forgot about him. That was convenient, since I still wasn’t quite ready then either, and I knew it.
Fast forward to a poly Halloween party hosted by one of the couples we (my friend and I) had connected with at the first party. Picture me, in a sexy sailor girl costume. Picture the guy walking in with his wife, his best friend (a woman), and his best friend’s poly date. Picture me saying “oh” to myself.
We’ve been dating for about a month. I adore his wife. And the phrase that keeps popping into my head is: “This is what I’ve always wanted.” I feel so free and happy. He has (graciously) given me permission to blog about our adventure together, so I have a feeling you’ll be hearing more about this!