Wanna Spice up Your Sex Life?

A couple of years back, when my friend and I were doing the Booty Doctors radio show, we had Hercules Liotard, aka The Pleasure Coach on our show as a guest.  Hercules is based in California and specializes in intimate touch, along with sex and intimacy coaching.  I think we had him on twice, actually ’cause we like him so much!  He taught us how to do vulva massage.  If you’ve never done it, as either a giver or receiver, I recommend you read his instructions (which I have paraphrased below) and DO try this at home!  It is a rich and rewarding experience that can create more connection, pleasure and intimacy between you and your partner.  Orgasm is not the goal of vulva massage, although it can be a pleasant side effect :).

1.  As the receiver, notice what goes on in your brain.  Express it both verbally as well as non-verbally as you’re giving the massage.  Think or yourself as an artist.  Imagine your partner is a piece of clay or a canvas.  During the massage, use different parts of your hands as your art tools.  You can use fingers, palms, knuckles, etc.

2.  Start out by simply visually admiring your partner’s vulva.  This is a sacred practice.  You are seeing her sex as the beautiful, sacred, miraculous gift that it is.  Worship it with your eyes for a minute or so.

3.  Put your hand over her vulva and vagina for a few moments, occasionally applying a little pressure.

4.  Using your thumb and index finger, knead her outer lips (aka labia) up and down several times.  Take your time.  This is not meant to be a quick process.

5.  Do the same with her inner lips.

6.  Now go to her clitoris.  Find an angle your partner likes.  You may use your whole hand here, fingers, palm, tongue…be creative.  You can make circles, tweaks, nibbles…again, there is no rush.  Slow down and enjoy the process, whether you are the giver or the receiver.  Both of your jobs are to simply be in the moment, communicating out loud when appropriate.  As the receiver, expressing your pleasure with your voice will only enhance it.  Let loose.

7.  Then it is time for the vaginal part of the massage.  You can use grapeseed oil for this, which is non-allergenic.  Other options are certain essential oils.  Rose, strawberry, cherry or ylang ylang are good choices.  It’s usually best to avoid mints and lavender.  Slowly insert one finger into her vagina.  Again, be creative, you can do gentle swirls, move your finger in and out, etc., working up to two fingers if that feels good to her.  She’s probably experiencing quite a lot of pleasure by now.  If you want, you can then say something to her like:  “My Goddess, I allow you to have this orgasm.”

8.  Allow the massage to come to a natural, gradual stop.  If you use your intuition, you will know when it is over.  You may or may not choose to have sex afterward.  Sex is also not the goal of vulva massage, although it may occur.

I’d love to hear from some of you about your and your partner’s experience of vulva massage.  To me, it is a truly lovely and unique experience.