Same-Sex Attraction
I think it’s about time we started to admit that we are attracted to one another. People are attracted to one another. Yes, I know there is such a thing as being heterosexual. That’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m saying is everyone, or just about everyone, is attracted to those of the same sex and the opposite sex, to an extent.
What is an attraction, anyway? Does it have to mean: “I want to have sex with you?” What if we simply defined attraction as being lit up in the presence of another person?
Many times, in our heterosexual relationships, it’s the soul we’re most attracted to anyway, not the body. Does the sex of another person make their soul more or less attractive to us? Does is have to, or is that simply what we’ve been conditioned to believe it “should” be like?
I’ve noticed that for women it is generally more acceptable to acknowledge an attraction. Women hold hands in public sometimes, or walk arm in arm without everyone assuming they’re gay. They also dance together. They are more likely to exchange hugs and kisses when they greet each other. And a woman is more likely to admit to noticing how beautiful another woman is, how nicely she dresses, or how good she smells.
When it comes to men, however, it’s a different story. I can only think of one man I know who identifies as being straight and admits to a “man crush” or two. Men who are not lovers don’t walk down the street and hold hands (at least not in American culture, anyway). Or dance with just each other on a dance floor. Many men won’t even admit they can tell the difference between an attractive man and an unattractive man. When asked, they say things like: “I mean, I don’t know…’cause I’m a guy.” I call bullshit on that one. That’s manspeak for: “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m gay if I even say another man is good-looking.”
To take it a step further, (because you know I always like to push the envelope), what if we just completely threw out the whole concept of sexual orientation and labels completely? What if men and women simply did what felt good to them in the moment? What if it were acceptable for everyone to express their affection for one another, whether it were man/woman, woman/woman, or man/man, to the extent that they desired and within the limits of their agreements?
When I was a little girl I used to have a friend in the neighborhood that I played with. She was a girl my age. I was probably only five or six before she moved away. I remember sitting out in front of my house with her and sticking out our tongues and touching them together, and then laughing. It was fun. It felt good. And it was natural, apparently, because we were doing it, and there was no one there to tell us it was wrong or bad or that we weren’t “supposed to”. What if we all acted more like a couple of five year old girls, uninhibited and free?
Or, in a more current example, I had a female friend over the other night to watch a movie. We didn’t curl up on the couch together and cuddle. But we could have. What would that mean? Well, I guess it would mean we like each other. I guess it would mean that’s what we wanted to do in the moment. I guess it wouldn’t have to mean anything.
My guess is that if we let go of all the meanings and the labels and went around expressing our attractions for one another, regardless of whether those attractions were for men, women, or both, we’d all be having a lot more fun. And sharing a lot more love.