One Never Knows
A few weeks ago, I attended a cultural event that my daughter was performing in at her college. My ex-husband attended also. We might have driven together- this would not be unusual- except for the fact that we both had prior engagements, separately.
He got there first and waited for me to arrive before we entered together. It was a sit-down event with numbered tables, much like those that would be set up at a wedding reception.
We sat at a table near the front. We were the only ones at our table, until a family of three (mother, father, daughter) arrived. They were also there watching their family member. I introduced myself and my ex-husband, and we chatted several times throughout the evening. They seemed like very nice people, who were obviously proud of their daughter, just like we were.
However, there was one way in which they were NOT just like us: the way they interacted with each other- or should I say DIDN’T? While my ex and I chatted and laughed throughout the evening, they didn’t. I don’t think they said a word to each other all night. We sat facing toward each other slightly. They did not. The husband was actually turned away from his wife, with his arms folded. This is classic body language meaning “I’m closed”. She spent the majority of her time watching You Tube videos on her smartphone. That doesn’t exactly scream “Ready to engage!” either. 😉 We made eye contact with each other. They did not. I daresay we even had actual physical touch between us (gasp!) at one point. None of that going on across the table. They didn’t interact with their younger daughter, either. All three of them looked fairly expressionless except when interacting with us or when their older daughter, the one in the show, came to the table. Then they smiled and laughed.
Oh, and there was one other way in which we were not alike- they were married, we were divorced.
So, why am I telling you all this? Is it because I want to brag about what a good relationship my ex-husband and I have with each other? Ummm, no. Although I WILL say I am proud of the way we have both put our differences aside and did what was best for our daughter, over the years.
The reason is this: What went on at that event is a good example of how, looking from the outside, one never knows what is really going on in a relationship. If not for the existence of their wedding rings, some might have thought that WE were married and THEY were divorced.
I have clients that are single, and envy those who are in a relationship or marriage. Heck, I have BEEN that person myself plenty of times throughout the years. They imagine that the entire world, “everyone”, is partnered, and that being partnered automatically means those people are happier. Not by the looks of things going on at our table that night!
Don’t assume that every married person is experiencing marital bliss. SOME are. Certainly not all. In fact, some married or partnered people are envious of single people. What is that saying? The grass is always greener….yeah, that one.
Don’t assume, either, that every divorced person is miserable, or that divorced people have lousy relationships with each other. In fact, some divorced people have much better relationships than they had when they were married!
In the end, other people’s perception of our lives doesn’t matter. Neither does our perception of theirs.
In the end, only YOU know how happy you are in your relationship(s). (I admit, it IS possible that I read the situation with that other family all wrong.) And only YOU know how happy you are in the most important relationship of your life- the one with YOURSELF!
And, when it comes right down to it, isn’t your happiness all that matters? The rest will fall into place from there, no matter WHAT other people think!