On Going Down

Let’s talk about oral sex.  One of my favorite topics, actually. 🙂

How about you?  Do you like it?  Do you like receiving it?  Do you like giving it?

Recently it has been on my radar that plenty of people, both men and women, do not think they are particularly good at it, and do not enjoy it much.

I think part of the problem here is that they are placing too much emphasis on the technique, seeing it as a “job” and not seeing it as something that can be fun for themselves.  (Really, we should change the name “blow job” to something else….any suggestions?)

What I recommend is that we look at oral sex as something we do because we enjoy it, not necessarily to “give” something to someone.  Perhaps if we stopped worrying so much about the technique and the “performance”, as in “performing” oral sex, it would naturally be more enjoyable.  Going down on someone is not like the Olympics.  There are no judges on the sidelines waiting to hold up cards with numbers on them.  And who cares whether our partners are going to tell their friends that we are “good”, or not?   If we haven’t enjoyed the experience, what is the benefit?

You may not have thought of it this way before, but oral sex is a Godly experience just as all types of S.E.X. are.  It involves a blending of your energy with your partner’s energy, and at the point of orgasm, if that occurs, your partner is also becoming one with God/dess.  That’s why it feels so good!

So here are my suggestions, for everyone- those who enjoy going down on their partners, and those who don’t:

1.  Breathe.  Preferably out of your nose, lol.

2.  Be present.

3.  Let go of preconceived notions about what the experience will be like. Let go of fear that you are not good at this. Let  go of planning your next move.  Just be.

4.  Notice your experience in each moment.  Be mindful.

5.  Notice what is pleasurable for you.  Do what feels good, and fun, to you.  For example, when I am giving a blow job, I like to feel the softness of the skin of the guy’s penis.  It is probably the softest skin on a man’s body.  I like to feel the slipperiness of my mouth moving on his cock.  I enjoy the sensation of his cock sliding into my mouth.  I like to slowly take his whole cock into my mouth, until it presses on the back of my throat.  I enjoy looking at my partner while I am going down on him-  seeing the expression on his face.  I enjoy listening to the sounds he makes.  I enjoy feeling my own body sensations of pleasure.  I enjoy feeling my nipples rubbing on the skin of his thighs.   I love to surprise myself, to be totally free to do whatever I do, perhaps making up new stuff  in the moment…things I’ve never done before that turn out to be really fun.  All of this, and innumerable other things about blow jobs turn me on.

6.  If you’ve done what I suggested and what you notice is all unpleasant to you, or mostly unpleasant, then I suggest you don’t engage in going down on your partner.

7.  If you find that you are enjoying it, I guarantee that you are good at it, and that not only you, but also, your partner will be pleased!

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