Full-Out Transparency…Part II

Back to my series on transparency via poly dating…when I left off, I had just “survived” the trials of my boyfriend going on his first date.

He was about to embark on a trip to Japan for his work, which would keep him away for almost five weeks.  We had discussed beforehand the fact that he has always been attracted to Asian women, and he had a huge fantasy about having sex with a Japanese woman while there.  So we agreed that if he had the opportunity to make his dream come true, he would go for it.  I felt totally fine about that.  In fact, I was really hoping it would work out for him.  This may seem kind of odd, since I had just had so much anxiety about one little date in the U.S.  But, really, I want him to be happy and have what he wants, and it felt so much safer with his potential lover living on another continent. 😉

So off he went, and before long he’d had a very enjoyable evening with an attractive woman he’d met while out celebrating his birthday.  I don’t remember feeling even a twinge of jealousy (well, okay, maybe one small one) about him having a crush on this woman.  I was mostly just really happy that he’d enjoyed himself so much!

It didn’t take him long to meet another young, hot Japanese woman, this time a yoga instructor.  They saw each other a few times and, again,  I had barely a twinge of jealousy.  I was experiencing that compersion again, which I’d discovered was an amazing feeling- truly being happy about my partner enjoying someone else.  He saw her a few times, but never got to make his Japanese dream come true.  (I guess “getting some” in Japan is not so easy, unless you are willing to pay a prostitute- which he had the opportunity to do, but declined.)  At one point he said something to the effect of:  “I hope I handle it as well as you when the tables are turned.”

I know that one of the reasons I had such an easy time with his being interested in these two women was that he was fully transparent with me about them, from the time he met them right on through.  I feel safe and at ease when he is transparent.  Also, I reminded him to touch base with me when he got back from his dates, even if it was just a message on Facebook, saying how it went and what had happened.  He thanked me for asking for what I wanted, saying he hadn’t known what to do.  That was more good learning for me- that just because I’ve said something once in the past, doesn’t mean he necessarily remembers it.

In the meantime, back here, I was out and about and met a poly man at a party that asked me out.  Of course, I told my boyfriend all about meeting him and let him know our plans prior to them happening.  He admitted to a tiny bit of jealousy only after my prodding him.  He prefers to handle his jealousy on his own mostly, believing that since it has nothing to do with me, he should keep it to himself.  I, on the other hand, prefer to speak mine out loud for the most part, as that’s what seems to work for me, even though I, too, know that my jealousy is really about me and not him.

So, I went on my date, had a good time, but no spark.  I ended up seeing this guy one more time and deciding it was not going anywhere romantically for me.  But it was a good way to get my feet wet with poly dating.

At this point, we had both gotten through the other going on dates completely unscathed.  It seemed that all was well on the relationship front.

Until he got back…but that is a story for my next blog.