Best Breakup Tips

Every time I have another breakup, it seems, I get better and better at getting through the aftermath in a healthy way.  That does not mean it is now fast and easy for me.  It means it is as fast and easy as it can be, which is still long and difficult. I’m not trying to sugar-coat things here.

If you’ve recently had a breakup, feel you are heading that way,  or are just nosy 😉 and want to see how I’m handing it, check out my best breakup tips, below:

1.  Take excellent care of your body.  In the old days, I would have headed straight to my good friends, Ben and Jerry.  Not this time.  Partly because of a simultaneous health issue I am working on and partly because I want to feel as good as I can, I have been eating super healthy since the start.  My daily self-care also includes:  drinking tons of water, with lemon or lime to cut down on the monotony.  Allowing plenty of time for sleep, including a nap most days.  Prayer and meditation.  At least five days a week of exercising; more if feeling really crummy.  Do not underestimate the power of endorphins to boost your mood!  If you are having the absolute worst day and don’t know how you’re going to get through it- do some exercise.  Works every time, at least a little bit, even on the darkest of days.

2.  Stay on top of things.  I know myself; if I leave the kitchen a mess, I will not feel good, for example.  Same goes with the laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, and rest of the house.  What things do you need to do to feel good?

3.  Don’t try to do everything.  During most of this time, my motto has been “makeup?  shmakeup, shave?  shmave.”  I simply do not have the time and energy to do everything, and neither do you.  Grieving is an energy-draining process.  Be gentle with yourself.  Let some things slide.

4.   Speaking of grieving…do it!  So many people try to skip this step, yet if we do not release the feelings, they do not go away and will just crop up and cause problems in our future relationships.  Leave quiet, alone time in your schedule to process your feelings, cry, write, go to a therapist…whatever it takes to get it all out.

5.  Reach out for support and friendship.  Get back in touch with those you may have lost touch with.  Spend time with people.  Even when you feel like crawling into a hole and hibernating for a few months.  It does help.

6.  Be single for a while.  My rule of thumb is this:  I wait until my life feels complete and I am truly happy without a partner.  Then, I know I am ready to date again.  And no, casual sex doesn’t really cut it either.  I know you may be a very sexual person.  So am I.  Having sex with a substitute holds no guarantees that you won’t get romantically involved.  In my eyes, it is just another convenient distraction from the grief.  (One caveat:  if you’re poly and are already in at least one other relationship, I’m not suggesting not seeing your other partner(s).  However, be careful that you don’t try to get them to take the place of your lost love, either.)

7.  See this as an opportunity to find out just how strong you really are.  Almost everyone I have ever met (including myself) is a lot stronger then they think they are!

8.  Remember that you will get through this, and be better for it on the other side.  You will be ready for another adventure in the future, if you really do your work now!

---